Posts Tagged ‘boobies’
4 items.
I’m sure to most of you, today’s comic is an ugly swipe at the American Pie movies. But I can attest that everything said in the 3rd panel rings very true to my ears. This is my honest-to-God interpretation of these movies, and I’m sticking by it.
I won’t deny that the original American Pie had something going for it. The amount of teenage sex they threw up onto the screen wasn’t anything audiences had seen since the hey-days of Porky’s.
But I still can’t hide my resentment.
I’m not a prude and I’m not uptight, but watching these movies makes me feel like I missed something in high school. And, high school being a touchy subject for me, I don’t like being asked to drudge up those memories for the sake of “entertainment”.
For me, and like a lot of you, high school was a daily battle and a boring chore all rolled into one. I had my share of friends and many varied interests. I wasn’t a shut in, picked on or angry at anyone.
But after four years, I was sick of navigating the sea of morons that surrounded me and found the experience without challenge, and worse, a total waste of time.
I don’t miss any of the people I went to high school with. The ones I still want to see, I make a point to see on a regular basis. The rest of them can go back to their lousy waitress jobs at Applebee’s. You won’t see me at any reunion.
I suppose in it’s own way, it’s sad that my high school experience still takes up this kind of real estate in my brain. At 25, I should probably be past it. But, well… here we are.
To that end, the makers of American Pie can rightly jump off the nearst cliff. I have no interest in seeing the third installment – American Wedding – when it comes out on Friday. I think it’s a cheap grab at more money by forcing these “BIG LIFE EVENTS” into the plot. I have more to say about it, but I’m saving it for Friday. I have another American Pie diss on deck.
Never the less, I’m sure Cami will drag me to see it. She’ll claim it’s curiosity, but why lie? Her high school experience was much more enlightened and satisfying than mine.
I can’t complain too much about high school. After all, it is where I met Cami. But so much of high school was just mental debris. I wish I could brush away the bad stuff and focus on the good, but I’m much more effective at that in the present.
Some parts of your past should remain ignored.
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Dec12
I wanted to make the theater Tom was sitting in a little more run down and dingy. Maybe rough Tom up a little bit, too. Y’know – just to sell the whole “last guy on Earth” thing a little bit more. But I didn’t have time.
A big ice storm came through Iowa yesterday and work was canceled. You’d think that would have given me plenty of time to throw a lot of detail into today’s piece. Not really. Between minding Henry all day and shoveling ice off the driveway, there wasn’t much time for anything!
When I was a kid, I used to love it when school was canceled because of winter weather. I loved snow days. It was like a mini vacation. My Mom always said it wasn’t a vacation for adults. I see what she meant by that now.
Despite my own criticisms, I like this comic. Just leading Tom through the emotional progression of yelling “BOOBIES!” in an empty movie theater is enough to make me giggle like an adolescent. Especially considering there are SO MANY MORE INTERESTING THINGS you could do if you were the last man on Earth. Throwing a rock through a plate glass window, for example. I mean, that’s just fun!
I Am Legend comes out this weekend and I’m cautiously optimistic. I think the advertising for the film has been really sharp. The trailers don’t give away too much and you really get a sense of dread from the abandoned isle of Manhattan.
The reason I’m cautiously optimistic is largely because I have a special place in my heart for The Omega Man with Charleton Heston – the second film adaptation of Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel. And since I know there’s been a bit of controversy about my book-reading habits as of late, the answer is “Yes. I’ve read the original book.”
Back to The Omega Man – I know it’s kind of cheesy and Charelton Heston slathered himself all over that film in his over-the-top glory. But I love how heavily it has “1971” stamped all over it. Rosalind Cash’s afro was the bomb! I think it was smart to move the action to New York for I Am Legend versus Los Angelas in The Omega Man. But, dammit! I want afro-action! And, truthfully, I find albino mutants more terrifying than vampires. Vampires have been kind of done to death. No pun.
I’m still going to see the movie, though. This thing is going to be bulletproof from a critical perspective. A lot of that has to do with Will Smith in the lead. People just like the guy and you can’t really deny his charisma.
Will Smith is one of those guys that seems to have it so well put together, you kind of start to resent him for it. Then he says something charming and witty and you fall in love with him all over again. That’s like an honest-to-God super power. I wish I was able to win people over like that, but I’m kind of a jerk deep down and not that patient. Oh, I’m sure Big Willy Style has his off days. But he never lets you see him sweat and that’s impressive.
I’ve read reviews of some of his movies where critics pick apart his apparant need to be liked. I’m kind of like “So what?” I like a movie star who feels like he has to earn it even after he’s proved himself. I like a movie star who appreciates his audience. So many of the big names any more seem like they couldn’t be bothered and they live in their little bubbles cushioned by their money and their Yes Men. Despite his enormous success, Will Smith seems like a guy still tethered to the real world. There’s a lot to admire in that guy.
And I’m just as shocked to admit it as you are!
That does it for me. Have a great Wednesday and I’ll see you here Friday!
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I know on Monday I said I was going to do a whole week of Cloverfield strips. But as I was wracking my brain trying to come up with something new, I hit a dead end and my mind began to wonder about the other movies coming out this week. A movie like the horror/comedy Teeth was too good to pass up.
Gordon and I actually got to talking about this movie on Monday night’s Triple Feature broadcast and I’m aware that Gordon has a very risque comic of his own related to the film. Be sure to check that out over at Multiplex tomorrow.
I first saw the trailer a few months ago, I think, over at Break.com and I thought it was a gag trailer. Something made by someone with a twisted sense of humor, too much money and too much time on their hands. When I found out it was real, I couldn’t believe it.
The plot of the movie I think is incidental. A girl finds out she has teeth in her lady parts and goes on a rampage against filthy, disgusting men. I like that they take puberty and the dramatic, scary changes one’s body goes through and adding another layer on top of it. That’s clever. Beyond that, I can see it working as a revenge fantasy. Maybe she’s been abused in the past by a creepy uncle, or something and the rest is justifiable assault? But some of the scenes in the trailer are darkly comic and I wonder if they’re going to have a hard time establishing a consistent tone.
Nothing sense this mixed message clearer than the two posters created to promote the movie. One dark and sinister, one light and goofy:
The “serious” poster on the left includes a blurb that says “The most alarming cautionary tale for men since Fatal Attraction.” Which doesn’t make any sense since, well, vagina teeth aren’t real. What would you do if they were? “I really like you, Susan – but do you mind if I check something first? You can never be too careful.”
They try to sell the ominous tone with the tag line “Every Rose Has Its Thorns.” Did they have to cut a check to the lead singer of Poison to get the rights to that one?
The poster on the left is much more tongue-in-cheek (and a disgusting metaphor just came to mind that I’m probably better off omitting here). Lead actress Jess Weixler is biting her bottom lip with an apologetic expression on her face. The tagline printed on her shirt reads “WARNING: Sex Changes Everything” Ho, ho! So wacky!
You know what the funniest thing about that poster is – the Ugg boots Weixler is wearing. 2005 called, honey. It wants its fashion back. They call them “Ugg” boots for a reason, y’know.
At any rate, Teeth is in limited release. If any of you are in the big cities and have a chance to see it, let me know. I’m curious what the reaction to this thing will be.
Or, y’know – I can wait 6 months and I’m sure it’ll be on Showtime every other night at 1:00 in the morning.
Have a great Wednesday! See you back here on Friday!
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