First things first. Theater Hopper has slipped down to the number two spot on the Web Comics List. I think I know why. You guys haven’t had any new incentive sketches since last Friday. It’s understandable that we’d take a little slide since last Friday’s sketch was, admittedly, a little lame.

But no worries! Today’s sketch is five times awesome! Vote for Theater Hopper to witness Ben Affleck in his post-bee attack state! Everyone wins!

Second order of business. Thanks for giving me the day off on Monday. Between packing up our stuff, hauling furniture up flights of stairs and performing the family and social obligations of the holiday weekend, I was far too depleted to come up with anything original or witty.

I feel bad about it because I’m not one to normally miss updates. And although most of my American readers were probably out celebrating the Independence Day holiday, my international readers got the short end of the stick and no updates at all! For that, I apologize, mes amis.

I think it worked out for the best, though. Because I’ve been sitting on the idea for this strip since last Thursday when I learned Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got married and I wanted as many people to see it as possible. I’m just really happy with the way it turned out.

In case you’re only vaguely familiar with the site, Mr. Affleck and our good friend Jared have been entangled in violent encounters since February of 2003. In fact, they’ve met on several different occasions. So many times, in fact, that I’m considering assembling all the strips where their paths cross and selling it as “Ben Affleck’s Greatest Hits.” It would sell like hot cakes, I tell you. If it ever came to fruition, this would undoubtedly be the cover:

I have to give points to Affleck for keeping his nuptials hush-hush. Fleeing the country to wed in a private ceremony is much more preferable than the J.Lo spectacle of a year or so back. Who care if Jennifer Garner is knocked up! It was the classy thing to do.

I wonder though, does this mean that Affleck is starting to mature? Does becoming a family man mean that he can no longer be the object of my scorn and ridicule? Who else will I hold up as my bloated, only-in-it-for-the-money avatar of Hollywood excess? Whatever happened to the hard partyin’, hard drinking’, hard gambling, stripper tippin’ Ben of yore?

Oh, well. I suppose I should be happy for him. I think he did himself a service marrying someone with a strong jawline than his. Now there will be NO MISTAKING who the “man” in the relationship is!

Oh, c’mon! You know I can’t resist!