I saw the trailer for The Grudge 2 back when I saw Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby with my good friends Joe, Mitch, Zach and Gordon back in August. I hated that trailer then and I hate the commercials now.

If you’ve seen the trailer, you know what I’m talking about. It sets things up with an atmosphere of dread. Good first step for a horror movie. But while it kind of explains the plot, there a bright burst of light, quick cuts and the sound of screaming and it startles the hell out of you.

I hate this because I think it’s lazy filmmaking. It’s joy buzzer filmmaking. It’s forcing an involuntary reaction. It’s not establishing suspense. Not building tension. Not even shocking us with gore or violence. Similar to when you hear someone banging on a snare drum very loudly and very sharply. You blink in time with the beat. You flinch because you can’t control it.

And these trailers are the exact same thing.

It’s very simple. Have a nice, quiet conversation with someone. Start pleasantly, then turn the tide of the conversation to something a little darker. "Gee, I think I’m starting to hear noises in the attic." Play it off like it’s nothing. "It’s probably just a squirrel." Then, while your guest feels safe, taking a sip on their international coffee, scream as loudly as you can inches from their face. If you have a flashlight you can turn on and off rapidly, do that, too. If your friend is scared witless, congradulations! You could have a career splicing together trailers for lame horror movies!

Just going to drop the reminder that t-shirts and baby-doll tees are still on sale – $7.99 and $9.99, respectively (plus shipping and handling). I managed to sell a few of them at the Minneapolis FallCon convention, but I still have a few left over.

Also don’t forget about "Theater Hopper: Year Two." I’m getting a little spooked because orders have completely dropped off. I’m still accepting orders. Place yours today and I’ll grab an envelope and slap your name on it so that book is sent out the day after they show up on my doorstep!

I still need to get my ducks in a row and offer up my services to the highest bidder on eBay. My good friend Mitch inspired me a few weeks back. I’ll draw anything you like (within taste and reason) and give you an original piece of art suitable for framing. Highest bidder takes the prize. Keep your eye out for that one soon. All part of the sales drive fund-raising effort!

Talk to you soon!