Posts Tagged ‘party’
3 items.
We do our fare share of razzing Julie Roberts around here, so in an effort to appease Cami, today’s incentive sketch loving depicts her in Roberts most famous role – Pretty Woman.
Even if you don’t care about lending votes to the site, I insist that you click on this link to view the sketch. It’s seriously probably one of the best ones I’ve done in a long time. I’m very proud of it.
In any case, according to an interview she conducted with Newsweek, Julia Roberts will indeed put her career on hold to raise the twins she’s supposed to give birth to this December with cameraman husband Danny Moder. All she has left to promote is the infidelity drama Closer and the European heist flick Ocean’s 12 and that’s all she wrote. We won’t see Julia Roberts for a long time to come. Hopefully the next 18 years. That’s how long it is before they kick kids out of the house these days, right?
Personally, I find the whole “Julia Roberts Pregnant!” story a little too good to be true. First they tell us she’s having twins. NOW there are reports it’s a boy and a girl. Could it *be* any more perfect?! I’m sorry; its sounds a little too much like a Hollywood concoction to me.
Frankly, I’m surprised Roberts is pregnant at all. She doesn’t have the shape of a mother. She looks like the kind of girl that any added weight is going to unbalance her like a weeble. She looks to frail to carry a baby, let alone two.
But then again, I suppose she should have extra room in her body considering that giant, empty chamber where a heart should be.
I’m sorry if that sounds callous, but Roberts does not strike me as the motherly type. She’s too cold. Too bitchy. Too… pointy. She doesn’t even have the shape of a mother. I guarantee one flash of that impossibly white windshield she calls a smile is going to burn the back of those kids retinas… leave ’em blind. JUST YOU WAIT!
Now that I think about it, she probably isn’t pregnant at all. She just ties on a prosthesis belly for when she has to do interviews or walk about town. She probably invented the whole pregnancy thing so she could hole herself up on that ranch she has in New Mexico and do lines of coke of a laser disc copy of Flatliners.
Come time to “deliver” the babies in December, she’ll fly out to some farm house in central Nebraska and buy a couple of kids from a poor, confused young woman. She’ll steal the children away before handing the crying infants over to her entourage. Then she’ll wag her bony finger in the face of the sobbing woman, threatening her to “Keep her dumb, redneck whore mouth shut!”
After flying back to their ranch, she’ll set the kids up in the guest house and have a Mexican nanny look after them. Ever so often she’ll wheel them out for photo ops and the occasional publicity – y’know, so America doesn’t forget about her.
Then, when the kids are all grown up, one of them will write a scathing tell-all book and dish on all of Roberts
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WHOA! Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Well, maybe you did. But I like to think you didn’t. Who knew that Jimmy and Charlie’s past intersected so much earlier than we thought? And, by the way, in case you aren’t familiar with Charlie’s backstory or why she’s important, you can read her origin story here (hey, just closin’ the loop for the new readers!)
I know introducing Charlie as the “woman who changed everything” for Jimmy raises all sorts of questions. For example, if Jimmy and Charlie used to be together, why haven’t we heard anything until now? Why hasn’t Jimmy tried to approach Charlie when she’s visited the theater? Don’t worry! We’re going to get to all of that in the next couple of weeks.
I would say this is about the half-way point for the storyline and I’m really excited to tell the rest. What’s been revealed at this point could be a game-changer in the future and redefine some of the relationships in the comic. This is the point where we start to pick up speed!
I think I’d better stop while I’m ahead so I don’t reveal too much more!
As for this weekend’s movies, I want to try and see Clive Owen in The International because I’m really interested in seeing that shoot-out they filmed inside the Guggenheim. But it’s going to be pretty difficult for me to get away. Not only because Saturday is Valentine’s Day, but Sunday we’re having everyone over to celebrate Henry’s second birthday! Henry’s actual birthday is the 18th (and I’ll be talking more about him then.) But for the celebration, it’s just easier to get everyone together on Sunday. As such, not a lot of free time for movies. We gotta scrub down the house and get things ready!
That’s all for me today. So, what do you think about the big reveal? Are you excited to learn more? Where will things go from here? Share your thoughts in the comments and I’ll see you back here on Monday!
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Why is Jared not wearing a shirt in this comic? You’ve never partied with Jared, have you? The shirt is always the first thing to go.
I don’t have a lot to say about today’s comic except that beer hats are inherently funny. I don’t know if they were invented in America or not. But there is a unique American-gluttony reflected in the design, don’t you think?
“I’m a busy alcoholic who needs his hands FREE to play pool and grope women who pass by. I can’t be wasting all of my time holding on to a beer with my HANDS. There has GOT to be a better way!”
“What’s this? I can put my beer in my hat and drink it through a flimsy straw?? A MIRACLE!”
“…”
“(can you put two beers on the hat?)”\
Wherever the hat came from, I think it should come with a coupon for one free alcoholism intervention.
Speaking of America, I always wonder how a comic like this plays for my readers who are not American. Do they know what Labor Day is? Do they understand how it’s significance as a holiday that recognizes labor unions has been twisted into an end-of-summer Bacchanalia? Do they care?
I mean, I have a peripheral understanding of Boxing Day. But if a Canadian cartoonist wrote a joke about it for their comic, I would probably nod politely and say to myself “That’s nice.”
These things are touch and go, that’s all I’m saying.
I’ll be frank and admit that it fascinates me that anyone beyond these borders would find any interest in Theater Hopper. But if you are one of the many living in far-away lands, reading today’s comic and saying to yourself “That’s nice,” then I want to thank you for your patience and support.
Thank you.
Cheers to the rest of you celebrating your day off. I hope you enjoyed the comic. Oh, and next time, be more discreet about how you bring alcohol into a theater, won’t you?
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