It’s been hard for me to come up with new jokes this week because I’m saving a lot of ammo for next week and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Things have gotten so bad, I have to make fun of the Jessica Alba vehicle Honey. That’s why I’m wearing a sports bra and tights in today’s comic. Are you happy now?
I have no reason to see this movie – not even for a rental. If the end up playing it on an airline flight, I will lock myself in the overhead compartment. Why? Because I’ve seen it before. SEVERAL times before. Flashdance. Showgirls. Glitter… and now Honey. They’re all the same movie and bad ones at that! Sorry, Ms. Alba. Not even the sight of your bare midriff will convince me otherwise.
There’s not a lot of news to spread around right now. Iowa is in the grip of a blizzard at the moment, so I’m having fun shoveling and re-shoveling my driveway…
Have you thought about checking out the forums? I’ve added some new features including a bank and lottery hack that dovetails into a fun points system we’ve developed. It’s a very friendly community and new people are joining every day! Maybe you should, too!
If you really need something to do, you can give us a little vote love over at buzzComix. That’s always good for a shot in the arm!
I might have more to talk about later. I certainly hope so. This wasn’t much of a blog…
REVIEW- FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
June 18th, 2007 | by Tom(5 votes, average: 6.80 out of 10)
“Well, it’s not as bad as the first one.”
That may sound like faint praise, but it’s literally the best compliment anyone can pay to Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
Despite a strong box office performance, after the original Fantastic Four movie from 2005 left such a bad taste in the mouth of fans and critics alike, expectations were low for the sequel. Of course then they had to come out with an excellent trailer to get our hopes up and seeing The Silver Surfer in action got the geek nation whipped up in a frenzy.
Oh, how they toy with our emotions.
For the most part, the film lives up to the hype. Finally able to set aside the clumsy exposition requirements of the first film, director Tim Story drops us square into the middle of the everyday life of our heroes. Each of them have settled into the roles of super-powered protectors, but not as media figures. As Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) and The Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) prepare to walk down the aisle for the fourth time, the media instrusion makes it easy to see why there have been so many postponements.
This time, however, the interruption occurs at a more… cosmic scale – The Silver Surfer.
While most of the good moments with the Surfer were used up in that trailer that cause all of our attention, his exciting chase with The Human Torch (Chris Evans) sets the rest of the movie into motion. The Surfer is flying all over the world, causing weather disruptions and undertaking massive terraforming to prepare Earth for the consumption of his “master” – the devourer of worlds, Galactus. It then becomes the peroggitive of The Fantastic Four and a particularly abrasive Army General (Andre Braugher) to catch up to The Surfer and neutralize him.
Everything The Surfer does is poetry in motion and a joy to watch on screen. Credit there can be given to Peter Jackson’s WETA Workshop in New Zealand and motion-capture performer Doug Jones. You don’t know Doug Jones, but you’re probably familiar with his work as the amphibian Abe Sapien in 2004’s Hellboy and most recently as the gruesome Pale Man and the titular Faun in last year’s Pan’s Labyrinth. His stoic, elegant performance as The Surfer speaks volumes although Jones himself does not. Laurence Fishburne provides his voice.
It’s when the Surfer is not on the screen that the movie begins to lose focus. Much of the movie is spent on The Invisible’s Woman insecurities surrounding her marriage and the ability to lead a normal life. The Human Torch is also the center of a sub-plot where he attempts to grow out of his showboating ways and become more of a team player. Meanwhile, Michael Chiklis as The Thing is almost completely left out. Useful only, it would seem, for crashing through walls or lifting heavy things.
While it probably isn’t easy to give equal time to each of the characters problems or focus on their fantastic powers, what does make it into the movie feels less like actual character development and more like details screenwriters Don Payne and Mark Frost tossed in to keep the movie from being a string of globe-trotting action pieces. But if they wanted to add something significant to the movie, they could have completely dumped Julian McMahon returning as Dr. Doom and shown us more of The Surfer and the sacrifice he made before becoming the herald of Galactus. As it is in the movie, his origin is delt with in a few line exchanges and they show us nothing. Doom’s presence in the movie felt like tacked on just to keep continuity with the first movie. They could have had him sit this one this one out and been totally fine.
A lot of movies this summer have been tagged for being too long. Rise of the SIlver Surfer is actually a movie that probably could have benefitted from another 20 minutes. Briskly burning through it’s 90 minute running time, I sometimes felt that I was watching the movie on fast forward. Or, perhaps, like I was just being shown storyboards brought to life. Director Tim Story’s history as a commercial and music video director is transparent on screen. His style lends itself well to our sound-bite culture. The action sequences are punctuated well with visuals that would work great for a trailer as a promotional photo, but rarely does it add up to anything substantial.
Equally medicore are the performances. While Jones does well with The Surfer and Evans captures the hubris of The Human Torch, both Andre Braugher and Jessica Alba are entirely over the top, Ioan Gruffudd far to flat and the film’s greatest acting resource – Michael Chiklis – is completely wasted.
What the movie does right, it does spectacularly. But it’s faults are equally spectacular. This makes the movie more balanced than it’s predecessor and more enjoyable, but, ultimately, not as satisfying a ride as it could have been.
I suppose if you were to dissect the marketing for Good Luck Chuck, you could technically categorize it as a success. I mean, for as infantile and unfunny as the movie posters are, they are eye-catching. Eye-catching in the sense that you can’t believe the hint of felatio is considered acceptable advertising.
I don’t mean to get all puritanical on you, but I fail to see how the posters have anything to do with the movie they’re schilling for. Nevermind the B.J. posters. Have you seen the completely non-sensical “parody of the famous John Lennon/Yoko Ono Rolling Stone cover? It doesn’t even look like Dane Cook and Jessica Alba were in the same room together, let alone Cook cradled on top of her. I can smell a Photoshop job a mile away.
Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. The television advertising can’t seem to get the message straight, either.
If you look up the plot synopsis over at IMDB, Good Luck Chuck is about a guy (Cook) who is unlucky in love. That is until he finds out that a string of ex-girlfriends ended up finding the men they ended up marrying shortly after breaking up with him. Word spreads and women are knocking down his door for casual sex so they can get on with their lives and find the man of their dreams. In essense, he becomes their “good luck charm.” Hence, Good Luck Chuck.
A real charmer of a plot, isn’t it? It’s like a modern update of The Philadelphia Story.
The movie’s B-plot has to do with a woman Cook’s character meets (Alba) who is the walking epitome of Murphy’s Law. Anything that can go wrong with this woman will. But Chuck falls for her and doesn’t want to sleep with her out of fear that she’ll leave and marry the next guy she meets.
Okay, points for setting up an unique conflict. Although I’m sure the movie will betray it’s tawdriness with a sugar coated ending – “I’m such bad luck, the curse must not affecft me! Tee hee!” End credits.
So that’s the story in a nutshell, right? You wouldn’t know it by looking at the ads. Watch closely. Every one of them is either about making fun of fat girls, “hilarious” prat falls or Jessica Alba’s skirt being torn off in a car door. *GASP!* To me it comes off a much more mean and derivitive version of The Wedding Crashers. Take a goofball premise, sex it up, but leave out all the charm.
I know I’m being snotty about this, but I’m making a stand. Look, I’m all for boob jokes, I’m all for Jessica Alba in tiny underwear. I’m all for an honest-to-goodness R-rated comedy that doesn’t pull any punches.
But at the same time, I’m not an idiot and that’s what I feel like the ads and posters for this movie treat me as. Be ribald – go for it! But don’t shove it in my face. Don’t make the core of your marketing effort all about that. It makes you look desperate… and sad. It makes me think there isn’t a brain in this thing. Maybe there doesn’t need to be. But if you’re going to entice me to shell out my hard-earned dough, don’t lob me softballs. Pretend for a minute that I’m not a dumb as you think I am. I appreciate wit, not smut. Or even witty smut. If I wanted that, I’d read Maxim Magazine. It’d be a hell of a lot cheaper and I wouldn’t have to embarass myself in public.
So, yeah. I’m not seeing Good Luck Chuck this weekend.
That’s about all I’ve got for you. Keep your eyes and ears open next week. I’ve got a stack of free DVDs I’m going to be giving away and not just on Monday’s Triple Feature talkcast. I’ve got so many, I’m going to be giving them away THROUGHOUT the week and I’m coming up will all sorts of fun activities for you that can put you in the running.
Hey, who doesn’t love free crap?
That’s all for now. Have a great weekend!
Adam Brody, Rob Corddry, Famke Janssen, Ron Silver, Jason Sudeikis, Gretchen Mol, Oliver Platt, Paul Rudd, Winona Ryder, Liev Schreiber,and Jessica Alba.
There must have been something pretty attractive about The Ten (on DVD January 15) to attract this level of talent. Now that it’s all said and done, I’m still trying to figure out what it is.
Written and directed by two alumni of the sketch comedy group The State, The Ten is a modern examination of The Ten Commandments. It’s not so much a film as a series of comedy sketches performed by a rotating and sometimes interceding cast of characters.
Paul Rudd plays Jeff Reigert. An everyday guy, he’s supposed to be guiding us through these stories. But between his wife, his mistress and Diane Wiest, he can barely get two sentences out with breaking a commandment or two himself.
That’s about as much narrative as you’re going to get in this picture and the random inclusion of Diane Wiest should give a clue as to the completely unpredictable nature of this comedy.
The film is fairly elliptical about how it addresses the commandments. In some cases, those who break them end up having things work out for them just fine! It’s not so much a morality tale, but more of an attempt to let the air out of a serious subject. Watching the film, I kept thinking about Monty Python’s The Life of Brian. The Ten is just as random, just as offensive and just as odd but it’s not the kind of movie whose sense of humor all audiences will appreciate.
I mean, once you have Winona Ryder having vigorous sex with a ventriloquist’s puppet, pretty much all bets are off.
I think there is a lot to like in The Ten, but in small doses. I would have hoped that the film could have gotten out of it’s own way at times and maybe found a way to interweave the narrative between stories a little more. Near the end of the film, things start to gel . But from a distance, the film feels like little more than a series of sketches that would have played much better on TV.
Then again, the film never takes itself that seriously. So maybe neither should we.
This is a great film to have on DVD, a fun afternoon rental if you don’t mind disconnected humor. Give it a shot if you’re willing to try something different. It may end up growing on you. But audiences expecting traditional setups and punchlines should look elsewhere.
I’ve been kind of disapointed in my last few comics. Not that I think they’re entirely bad. I just think they sounded better in my head than I ended up executing them. So I decided to make a big splash with today’s comic and I’m really happy with it. The staging, the expression, the action, the big splash panel in the middle, the punchline – everything.
Yup, I’m really patting myself on the back for this one. I just like it. No shame in saying so. If you can’t take pride in your work every once in a while, you might as well be drawing Marmaduke.
We talked about The Eye a little bit in Monday’s Triple Feature broadcast, but no one on the team had a lot to say about it. We pretty much speculated if this was the last movie Jessica Alba made before announcing she was pregnant. If so, you guys can say so long to Miss Sweet Cheeks for the next few years.
Although I guess I did recently read something about Alba toying with the idea to be pregnant for the next Fantastic Four movie. No deals have been made, so I guess that’s wishful thinking.
As for the movie, The Eye – I’m kind of hoping this will be the last J-Horror American remake for a while. It’s been a few years since The Ring and The Grudge and I think we can move on now. Most J-Horror movies do a really good job of setting up suspense and mood. But at this point, if I have to see another jittery, pasty-faced ghost kid or water as a metaphor for evil, I think MY eyes are gonna roll right out of my head.
Not much more for me to talk about today, other than to encourage you to listen to this weeks Triple Feature. It was a good show. We spent a little time talking about Rambo – which is being savaged by critics, but getting a great reaction from audiences – as well as discussed the recent Oscar nominations. To end the show, the three of us made our Oscar predictions. So we’ll have to see in a couple of weeks who was right!
Don’t forget that you can subscribe to the Triple Feature through iTunes. I’m sure there is a myriad of ways for you to access our show on a subscription basis, but iTunes is the progam I use and I think it makes the process very intuative. The program will download our show straight to your machine immediately after it posts! No muss, no fuss! It’s an excellent tool to help you keep on top of the show, even if you’re unable to listen in live every week.
Anyway, that’s it for me. Have a great Wednesday! The week is almost through!
When trailers and commercials for Mike Myers first on screen comedy outing in 5 years, critical reaction in our household was one of puzzlement. My wife and I are two of the biggest Mike Myers fans you’ll find. But what’s up with all of the gags lifted out of the three previous Austin Powers movie? And your tacitly making fun of Hinduism? Really? Is that wise? Our stink meters went off.
Turns out we were right. After calls for boycott from leading Hindu groups and a dismal total domestic gross of $32 million, The Love Guru turned out to be the greatest misstep of Mike Myers’ career.
I didn’t see the movie in theaters, but I reserved judgment completely until the film came out on DVD. Deep down I was hoping that there was at least something redeemable about the film. There’s a few things to like about The Love Guru, but a lot more things to hate.
If you’re unfamiliar with the plot, Myers plays an American stranded in an Indian orphanage after his parents are killed during missionary work (whatever) and seeks knowledge from Guru Tugginmypudha (played by Ben Kingsley – who apparently has lost the ability to say “no” to anything). Myers takes his spiritual guidance and transforms it into a multi-million dollar self-help empire. But he is dissatisfied because he is still number two compared to Deepak Chopra.
As the Guru Pitka, Myers is difficult to like. He speaks in platitudes hidden inside verbal riddles (“Intimacy: Or ‘Into Me, I see.” “What is the Bible except ‘B.asic I.nstructions B.efore L.eaving E.arth?”) Anyone who gets suckered into this kind of spiritual guidance needs all the self-help they can get.
Compounding the problem. Guru Pitka does not demonstrate any of the behaviors of a supposed Holy Man. When opportunity knocks in the form of Jessica Alba (as the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs) seeking the Guru’s guidance to reunite their star player with his estranged wife, the Guru is not motivated by helping the player. He is motivated by the $2 million he’s being paid and the opportunity to appear on Oprah should he be successful.
Of course there is a third act revelation where the Guru learns the errors of his ways, amends the shortcuts he took toward bringing the couple back together and frees himself from feeling inferior to Deepak Chopra, but it all comes too late. Who wants to spend time with this selfish ass for two hours?
That’s another thing: SEVERAL times in this movie other characters refer to Pitka disparagingly – calling him an ass or a moron – and it’s hard not to disagree. In addition to his spiritual blather, Myers infuses the Guru with an arsenal of playground antics and taunts meant to “regress” uptight squares but are really only effective for bridging the gap with the audience who hazily remember “Oh, yeah. I remember ‘Milk, milk, lemonade – around the corner fudge is made’.”
What makes matters worse is that the only one laughing at any of Pitka’s jokes is Pitka himself. Hooting and sniggering like an exiled villain from the 1960’s Batman TV show, Pitka’s childlike glee isn’t endearing. It’s annoying.
For as grating as the character is, Myers at least plays him enthusiastically. I think Myers still has value as a comedic voice. His problem in this case was convincing himself that audiences would align themselves with his clear preoccupation for Eastern spirituality. But, hey… when you can make a movie about a slacker filming a local access cable show in his basement and a time-displaced Lothario super spy from the ’60s and have them be huge hits, why wouldn’t you think anything was possible?
As far as the rest of the cast goes, they perform amiably. That is, at least as well as they would have in any other comedy of this nature. Justin Timberlake shows up as a French Canadian goalie and the main antagonist. I’m guessing someone told him to approach the role like Pepe Le Pew, because that’s what he sounds like.
Verne Troyer is on hand as a foul-mouthed coach and actually gets to spit lines this time. Beyond that, it’s a cavalcade of cameos from the likes of Jessica Simpson, The Daily Show’s John Oliver, Val Kimer, Mariska Hargitay, Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan.
Personally, I think it’s a shame that Romany Malco as hockey superstar Darren Roanoke can’t find better material to plug into. I’ve enjoyed him in nearly every movie he’s been in and The Love Guru was poised to break him into a wider audience. This is, if the movie were able to draw an audience.
In terms of extra features, the DVD doesn’t skim. But most of them are forgettable. It wasn’t particularly interesting to sit through “One Hellava Elephant,” which spends too much time with the effects supervisor responsible for creating the one-quarter top reproduction of the elephant Mike Myers rides in the film. Nor was it particularly interesting to watch “Hockey Training For Actors,” which details the process in which Malco and Timberlake prepared for their scenes on the ice. The blooper reel is a fair diversion and the deleted scenes and outtakes (while uneven in quality) are sometimes funnier than what was left in!
The best featurette on the DVD is “Back In The Booth With Trent and Jay.” Trent and Jay being the color commentators for the hockey game sequences as played by Jim Gaffigan and Stephen Colbert. The featurette collects their improvisations. Colbert owns the booth with his performance as the drug addicted and relapsing Jay Kell, but Gaffigan gives it right back as the straight man delivering several sharp lines of his own. Would it be too much to ask for a movie starring these two?
Overall The Love Guru lives up to it’s unfortunate reputation. I take no joy in stating that, but it is what it is. Hardcore Mike Myers fans might find a few things to enjoy here. But the rest of us might be better off snuggling up with a copy of Wayne’s World until this all blows over.