Posts Tagged ‘hookers’
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Sep27
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN
September 27th, 2002 |
(19 votes, average: 8.26 out of 10)
There is so much to loathe about Harry Knowles and his crappy excuse for a web site. Probably so much because there is so much of him to get around! If you’ve never seen a picture of this guy, let’s just say when he sits around the computer… people move it out from underneath him.
He’s fat, okay?
I find Knowles one of the most contemptible personalities of the “dot com” era – right up there with Matt Drudge and The Hamster Dance.
Like a lot of people, Knowles found fame and fortune not because he provides anything of substance, but because he got there first. Knowles is the embodiment of every geek stereotype there is. A fat virgin living with his parents basement, squawking so loudly about matters so inconsequential, people just had to turn and look.
Amassing a following of those like him, Knowles built his empire around the hard work and weaseling of others. What scoops did he ever gather on his own? He’s in the middle of Texas, for crying out loud!
I think the Aint It Cool News phenomenon really reached its apex around the time Knowles start portraying himself as some kind of internet success story and the parlayed that into some kind of faux-celebrity. I remember him guesting with Roget Ebert in the interm after Gene Siskel had died and before he had been replaced with that dolt Richard Ropert.Watching him butt heads with Ebert in some act of cool defiance, I thought to myself, “This is it. I’m watching the end of irony.”
Knowles is the worst kind of “rags to riches” story because he has no compunctions about being flown out on the studio’s dime to see some crap movie and give it a passing grade. As long as they’re handing out extra-extra large promotional t-shirts and the free briquette is being offered, why not belly up, as it were?
In my opinion, the minute Knowles decided to turn himself into a brand — host conventions and have books ghost written for him –, he should have developed some journalistic ethics. His whole “I’m a fan” defense is bull – masked, I might add by his persistent refusal to update the look of his site past the standards of 1996.
Knowles is a cyst on the movie-loving community. And I’m not preaching from the mount when I say this. I’m a fan with my own biases and opinions just as he. But the minute you start to exploit the system that is putting food on your table, you’re no longer one of us – you’re one of them. You are no longer reacting to manufactured buzz, you are helping to create it.
Eventually, I see Knowles loosing it all — never knowing the taste of the validation he so clearly seeks.
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I think if I didn’t make a joke about this weekend’s newest disaster flick, The Core, you would think that I was feeling ill.
Today’s comic reflects my opinion of the behind-the-scenes machinations that brought this atrocity to multiplexes nationwide.
The producers of The Core are about five years too late if they’re still trying to ride the wave of late 90’s disaster epics. What Independence Day wrought has long since subsided.
The plot alone is too ridiculous to take serious. It echoes a period in cinematic history where people thought radiation could make bugs huge.
…and this was scary.
The premise of The Core is that our government has implanted a weapon into the center of the Earth, using it to trigger earthquakes against enemy nations. Somehow, this “don’t fool with Mother Nature” brain fart causes the core to stop “spinning” (yeah, right) and then cause electro-magnetic super storms that ravage the surface. The only solution? To drill through the crust and destroy the machine with NUCLEAR WARHEADS, thus jump-starting the planet and returning everything back to normal.
I think anyone who buys a ticket to this movie should get a free swift kick in the ass with every purchase. Everything about this movie flies so flagrantly against everything we know about science..NAY! COMMON SENSE!… that anyone who aids it’s success during it’s theatrical run is effectively dumbing down the rest of the population by association.
Harsh words? You betcha. But it’s how I feel.
I’m very excited to go to Planet Comicon in Kansas City. I received an e-mail from someone else in the Des Moines area who said they were going, too. They even asked for a sketch if they bumped into me! That’s weird. Here I am prepping myself to get into total fanboy mode, and someone comes along telling me they dig what I do. Have I crossed the other side? Have I become one of… them?
Nah. I’m still gonna have Lou Ferrigno sign my forehead.
One last note: Aric over at Fish Strips is undertaking a huge new storyline where all of your favorite web comic all-stars are making cameos. Aric was cool enough to find room for both Tom and Cami, so you should check out his good work.
Aric has been laying low for a little while, but I’m totally digging his new direction. It’s good to see him jump back in with both feet!
Now, if only my character can catch a knife in the eye, I will know I have made it in life.
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Nov29
IT’S A WONDERFUL THING TO LORD OVER EVERYONE ELSE
November 29th, 2004 |(5 votes, average: 8.60 out of 10)
Sitting down to watch It’s A Wonderful Life to kick off the holiday season is probably a tradition most families share. That was certainly the case in Cami’s household. They treat is as the pinnacle of holiday entertainment. Cami even has several books about the movie and its history.
And while I’m a big Jimmy Stewart fan, watching It’s A Wonderful Life at my house just wasn’t as big a deal. So, since being married to Cami almost 5 years ago, she has included me into her tradition. While I enjoy it, the film still raises questions for me.
Like most Frank Capra films, there are too many convenient twists in favor of the protagonist. Things end a little too neatly. What happens to these characters afterwards? There is no resolution…
* THE REST OF THIS BLOG POST WAS LOST WHEN THEATER HOPPER WAS MOVED TO WORDPRESS IN JANUARY 2009 *
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