This weekend is shaping up to be mighty fine in the movie department, and I’m chomping at the bit to see Kill Bill.
I came from the era when Pulp Fiction was a revelation and was part of the generation to whom the movie was marketed specifically for. There wasn’t a dorm room in sight that didn’t have a Jules Winnfield poster hanging in it when I went to college. Trust me.
There are rumblings that the first volume of Kill Bill is light on Quentin Tarantino’s trademark dialogue, but that volume two makes up for it in spades.
There’s also talk that the finale of the first installment is outrageously violent. Over the TOP violent. Wile E. Coyote violent. Blood doesn’t seep from wounds, it gushes. And Uma Thurman is finding a hundred and one ways to slice a man to ribbons – probably even inventing some techniques along the way – as Quentin pays homage to all the grind house kung-fu flicks of the 70’s.
I think Kill Bill will prove to be an interesting experience. I mean, when you think of all the watered down copycats that flooded theaters in the wake of Pulp Fiction, what direction can an auteur go when his voice has been co-opted by the masses?
Kill Bill looks like a full-frontal assault on our expectations. A jarring stab to the kidneys to wake us from our slumber and erase and shades of doubt in a sea of red.
By the way, everyone. I’m toying with some new site designs. But before I can implement them, I need to get a couple of other things up and running again. The server movie last week kind of laid me up and I’m still recovering.
At the top of my list is bringing the forum back online. I created a backup right before the switch, but am kind of lost in terms of reinstalling everything. If anyone has experience with this, contact me the usual way.
How happy are you that I’m not doing another comic about the Ten Commandments of Movie Watching? I received positive feedback on the 3-part arc, don’t get me wrong. But after a while it’s like that “knock-knock” joke that goes on forever and ends with the person asking “Aren’t you glad I didn’t say ‘Orange’ again?” Regardless, I hope you’re enjoying today’s bonus comic.
I’m really looking forward to Kill Bill Vol. 2, but I have to admit it kind of snuck up on me. While Cami and I were away in Las Vegas, they started running the television ads for the flick. We’d be sitting in seedy casino bars and one would flash on screen. “Holy crap! Is that coming out next week already?” I would ask myself. And then a drunk transvestite would try to hit on me.
But I kid. I think it’s going to be a great movie. It already has a TON of advance buzz – all of it positive. I mean, c’mon! Was there anyone who saw Vol. 1 who DOESN’T want to know how this thing ends?
In random web comic news, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal has returned to a regular update schedule. Zach’s comic was one of the very first I read outside of the big names like Penny Arcade and PVP. I always got a kick out of his sense of humor. Check it out and tell ‘im I sentcha!
Oh, did you know we’re taking pre-orders for shirts? Maybe you want to put your money down so you’re not running through the streets naked. Cover up, man!
I think today’s comic will make a little more sense when or if you see Tim Burton’s adaptation of Sweeney Todd. From the early reviews I’ve read, it’s Burton’s best film since Ed Wood and could have been a lock for Best Picture if only Burton had reigned in his tendency to leap for the Z-grade horror moments.
You may or may not be familiar with the story of Sweeney Todd, but wrongfully accused, his wife and young daughter stolen from him, he goes on a murderous rampage in Victorian London in pursuit of revenge. He does this by luring his unsuspecting victims into his barber shop, where his slits their throats and disposes their bodies through a trap door into the local bakery below. There, the corpses are baked into meat pies.
At any rate, Burton really cuts loose (pardon the pun) when it comes to the murder scenes. Throats being cut and fountains of blood shooting like geysers everywhere. There is nothing lyrical or implied about it. He puts it right in your face. And I could see where that might turn off Academy voters down the line.
It’s a small complaint, compared to the rest of the film, I’m told. The performances and the music are great and the story seems tailor-made to suit Burton. But I think when it comes to the blood, that’s where he frustrates critics. Because often in his work, there is a self-serving moment that nearly capsizes the whole picture. His remake of Planet of the Apes was a whole FILM of those moments – and probably the reason it’s the most reviled film in his cannon.
I’m excited to see Sweeney Todd, but there’s a lot of great stuff coming out this weekend – National Treasure 2 and Walk Hard among them. I was supposed to see I Am Legend last night with Jared, but Cami’s been really sick lately and running a fever. So it wouldn’t have been a good idea to take off and leave her with Henry. Parental responsibilities will take you out of the stronger pop culture currents. I’m fine with this. But I hope I don’t fall too far behind. There’s too much stuff I don’t want to miss!
A quick note about next week – With the holiday’s coming up, I’m thinking about taking the week off. I need it. I’m exhausted. I don’t know if that means I’m taking the week off completely. I’m planning on watching a ton of movies I’ve been backlogged on and possibly posting the reviews next week. But I think comics are out of the picture just because they take a lot of time and I”m going to have my hands full with Henry, the holidays and relatives.
Keep coming back to the site, though. I’m sure I’ll be able to float you some new content. Just the comics will be on hold while I catch my breath. Also – since we’re not doing The Triple Feature next Monday due it being Christmas Eve and all, you’ll want to keep a close eye on this space in case we announce our replacement show. We’re talking about doing it next Wednesday. So come back here to confirm.
In non-site related news, I turned 30 today. I don’t know what to think about it. I guess I can’t really think about it. I’m so wiped out from the lack of sleep, it makes it hard to focus.
There’s supposed to be this large anxiety about turning 30 that I don’t have. I mean, I understand it’s a transition out of your 20’s and the free-wheeling ease of things. The older you get, the more responsibilities you take on and so forth. But there really isn’t a part of me that’s going to miss my 20’s. I had a good time then, but I’m having a good time – if not a better time – right now. Anyone who gets their knickers in a twist about turning 30, 40, 50, whatever… needs to reassess what it is about right now that sucks so bad compared to back then and change it. No one else is going to steer the ship for you, know what I mean?
End rant.
Anyway, tonight I’m staying in with family and we’re going to have cheese soup while I open presents. Not a bad little Friday if you ask me.
Take it easy and Happy Holidays!
I am nervous because later this morning I am seeing a doctor for my first physical in almost 15 years.
It was something I meant to do last year after I turned 30. Plus, now that we have Henry, monitoring my health more closely is the responsible thing to do.
I didn’t make the appointment, though partially because I didn’t have a doctor and didn’t know how to go about looking for one. But I didn’t exactly make it a priority to find one because I am deathly afraid of needles.
I’ve been worrying about it since yesterday. I know they’re going to have to take blood. I wish there was a way they could gas me and knock me out to do it, though.
My fear of needles has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. Last year I went to a health screening provided by my employer and got all tense when I found out they were going to use the little finger prick thing to take a small blood sample.
It’s not just blood removal, either. I don’t like injections. Getting a flu shot fills me with anxiety.
Incidentally, I should mention I never had a flu shot until Henry was born.
The things I do for this kid. Seriously.
If you’ve been following me at all on Twitter or Facebook the last couple of days, you’ll know that I was in an accident that required a trip to the emergency room and 11 stitches on the top of my left hand. My right hand is my drawing hand and I can still hold a pencil. But there will be no new comic today because I don’t want to push my luck. I want to take this time to heal.
Instead of a comic, I decided to tell the story of how I nearly lost a thumb. Please excuse any spelling errors you might come across. Since I’m down one hand, it’s taking me twice as long to write this blog post.
Since I’ve been off work, the need for little projects to keep me busy is at an all-time high. A few months ago, I bought a book about woodworking and building simple shelves. In it, there was a project detailing how one might build custom shelves for your garage or storage room. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to give it a try.
Basically, the shelves were two sets of 2 x 4s facing each other with grooves cut into them. Inside the grooves, you insert a sheet of plywood cut to fit and use that as the shelf.
To cut the grooves into the 2 x 4s required the purchase of a hand-held router, which I did on Tuesday. Since there wasn’t room in my car, I didn’t buy the materials needed to build the shelves. I decided I would go back the next day to get them.
Before leaving on Wednesday to buy the materials, I decided to give the router a spin (so to speak) so I had an idea of how it worked before I started the project in full.
I took the tool out of the box and read the directions. I inserted the 3/4″ bit required for the grooves and plugged in the tool. I took a scrap 2 x 4 from another project and set it on a pair of saw horses to use as my test material.
Here is where I made two key mistakes. First, I didn’t secure the scrap material to the saw horses. I didn’t lock it down. It was loose. Second, I didn’t insert the 3/4″ bit far enough into the router.
Because the bit was not inserted far enough into the router, it wasn’t cutting the wood. The stem of the bit was rubbing up against the wood causing resistance.
I took my left hand off the router and placed it on the scrap 2 x 4. I pulled the router away from the wood with my right hand at the same time I was releasing the trigger to stop the bit from spinning. As the bit nearly cleared the wood, it caught the edge of it. *BIP-BIP-BIP!* It skipped down the length of the board pulling my right arm with it.
In the blink of an eye, the router went over the top of my left hand.
At first I thought I had nicked myself, it happened so fast. I put the tool down and looked over at my left hand. Blood. Oh, wait. Dripping blood. Oh, my! That’s a lot of blood!
I clamped my right hand over my left and ran into the house. My first thought was to rinse out the cut. I put my hand in the sink and turned on the water. I looked down at my hand as the water ran over it. Blood gushed out of it like a bathtub spilling over. I remember shrieking “OH, GOD!!” and immediately grabbing a dishrag to wrap up my hand.
What I thought was a simple cut was quite clearly a deep wound. The picture of my bandaged hand above does not communicate the severity of my injury. Instead, look at this illustration:
The wound was about 5 to 6″ long, about 1.5″ wide, very jagged and very deep. It scared me enough to call 911.
Within seconds I was on the phone with dispatch. They asked me to describe the wound, if it was deep, how much blood I lost and instructed me to put pressure on the wound. He put me on hold as he notified emergency responders.
Meanwhile, Truman, oblivious to the trauma I had caused myself, goes to the back door. *TAP, TAP* He wants to be let out. In my mind I’m thinking “How am I going to get him back into the house?” I tell him “No, Truman.”
*TAP, TAP* Insistently, he scratches at the back door again. “I can’t deal with this,” I think and let him out anyway.
Dispatch came back on and immediately I thought that I should call Cami. I expressed as much to the dispatch operator, but he insisted that he stay on the line with me until help arrived because he didn’t know how much blood I had lost.
In the distance, I could hear ambulance sirens. “I can hear them,” I said. “They’re close.” I went to the front door to check.
As I approached the door, there was a pounding behind me. *BAM! BAM! BAM!* “POLICE!” A police officer entered the house through our garage. He was on patrol in the neighborhood when he got the call. It had been about a minute since I first called 911.
He started asking me a dozen questions. Mostly he wanted me to gather up my ID, my keys and my phone. He wanted to know what he could do to help me lock up the house.
At this point, I was kind of in denial. “Lock up the house,” I thought. “I’m not going anywhere!”
But I obliged the officer as he helped bring Truman back into the house and led him into his crate. By the time I retrieved my wallet, keys and phone, the ambulance was outside. I walked into the driveway to meet them.
They had me climb into the back of the ambulance to take a look. They removed the blood-soaked rag around my hand. Again, the gaping wound stared back at me. The put a gauze pad on top of it, wrapped up my hand and we were off to the hospital.
At this point I was glad to be in the hands of professionals, but I was still kind of in denial over the severity of my injury. I thought I would sit on one of the little benches in the back on our way to the hospital. I was fine! No need to strap me to a gurney!
They strapped me to a gurney.
Good thing, too. Because as they started driving, I became very light-headed. I started sweating and felt like I was going to throw up. They put me on oxygen and took my blood pressure repeatedly. My hands went numb. I was getting very sleepy. I was probably *this* close to passing out.
Fortunately, before all of this drama took place, I managed to call Cami at work to let her know I was on my way to the hospital. She was in a meeting, so I left her a message. By the time we arrived in the ER, she had returned my call and was on her way.
As I waited, they unwrapped my hand to take a look. It was at this point that I really started to fear that I had done permanent damage to myself. As we waited for the attending physician to come by with her opinion, they kept my hand sterile by submerging it into a pan of soapy water. It felt like someone lit my hand on fire.
Eventually the attending physician came by to offer her diagnosis. She asked me to move my fingers. She asked me to bring my thumb closer to my palm. Cheerfully, she said that the wound was superficial, that I hadn’t done any permanent damage to myself, but that I would probably need stitches. Now all I had to do was wait for someone to come in and stitch me up.
By this time, Cami was in the ER room with me and there was nothing I could do but sit there and look stupid. I felt so embarrassed. I had become another at-home accident statistic. I felt bad for dragging Cami out of work, for wasting her time, for being stuck with such an idiot husband. But at the same time, I was so glad she was there to see me through it. I would have been very scared without her.
Here’s my thing: I hate needles. I can’t stress that enough. I *HATE* needles. I freak out whenever I have to get blood drawn. I’m not even very good about getting a flu shot. So the idea of someone sticking needles in my hand to numb it up, then stabbing my hand repeatedly to run stitches through it filled me with great anxiety.
I’ve managed to live 31 years without ever having a trip to the ER to get stitches, mend a broken arm or anything of the kind. You can imagine that all of this was a little overwhelming for me.
Finally a resident came in to stitch me up. He numbed my hand and went to work snipping away some of the jagged pieces of flesh that would have prevented the stitches from being flush. I refused to look as he sewed up my hand, but I could feel him tugging at my arm. I could hear the sound of the stitch as it was being pulled though my hand, like someone lacing a shoe. It took everything I had not to jerk my arm away and run home in horror.
As the resident worked, Cami looked on. She’s much better about this kind of thing than I am. She’ll channel surf past Discovery Heath and watch someone having kneecap survey no problem. Meanwhile, I have to leave the house, drive to the woods and cry.
Later, Cami told me that my hand “looked like hamburger,” that the wound bled considerably and that the resident used “a lot of gauze” to soak it all up. Thanks, honey.
Half-way through the procedure, the resident asked me if I’d like to take a look. I told him if there was more work to be done, I didn’t want to see it. For me, it’s all psychological. I can’t know what you’re doing. I prefer to think it’s not even my hand that you’re working on.
As the resident continued to work, nurses and doctors came in and out to observe. “That looks really good,” they said. “Great job!” A man in a white overcoat joked “Not bad for his first stitch job, huh, sir?”
“Doooon’t… do that to me,” I said, desperately trying to cling to my sense of humor.
When it was all said and done, they put 11 stitches in my hand. Again, the resident asked me to look at his work and I sensed a need for approval. “It looks very straight,” I said. And it did, which was amazing considering how jagged the wound was.
The resident patted my leg, said “Take care” and exited the room. I told him “Thank you! I appreciate it! as he walked out, but was left with the impression that he was annoyed that I did not give him more praise for his effort. I felt bad.
Cami and I left the hospital to pick up Henry from day care. He was very good natured about the whole thing and, of course, asked lots of questions. We explained to him that Daddy had an accident and took a ride in an ambulance. “Wee-ooo-wee-ooo,” he questioned, as he mimicked the sound of ambulance sirens.
“Do you feel better, Daddy” he asked. “I feel better,” I said. “You feel better and the owie goes away from you,” he said. This kid gets it.
We cleaned the blood out off the kitchen floor and out of the kitchen sink. But where I cut my hand in the garage still looks like a murder scene. There was a lot more blood in there than I thought there was. Drops all over the floor. A light splatter draped across my work bench – enough blood to drip and pool below.
I pretty much spent the rest of Wednesday night and all day Thursday with my hand on ice and elevated above my head. I didn’t do much of anything else. I ended up watching The Boondock Saints and part of Man On Fire before I fell asleep. I spent the rest of my time feeling the pulse of my heartbeat in the palm of my hand.
I changed the dressing on my hand for the first time last night. I almost barfed. I get my stitches out next week. I’m not looking forward to it.
When it’s all said and done, it could have been much worse. I could have mangled my thumb. I could have twisted up the tendons in my hand like spaghetti noodles around a fork. I could have ended up with a dead hand.
People suffer worse injuries all the time and some don’t see it through the other side. But like I said before, this was all a first for me, so it felt like a big deal.
2009 has been a tough year so far. I’ve watch friends lose jobs, go through divorce, suffer miscarriages and some lose their lives. I lost my job and nearly lost my hand. Sometimes I wonder how much bad stuff has to happen before something good comes along.
But I realize that I have a lot of good in my life that I experience every day. I have a wonderful family, good friends and people who care about me. The hand thing is a minor setback, but this too shall pass. And you’d better believe that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone always has it much, much worse.
If nothing else, this accident could be the universe telling me to slow down a little and appreciate what I have more – something I think all of us are guilty of from time to time.
Meanwhile, the best thing for me now is to take a little time, rest and recover. I want to say thanks to the people that have shown support and hopefully I will be back up to speed making comics again soon!
Best wishes and take care!