You’ll noticed Jared left Repo Men out of his negative assessment of Hollywood’s new offerings this week. I’m reserving judgment on that one. It looks like goofy, dark futuristic fun in the vein of Paul Veerhoven. The jury is still out.

But, yeah. Diary of a Wimpy Kid and The Bounty Hunter look like limp noodles to me.

I know I should probably be in Diary of a Wimpy Kid’s corner, considering the genesis of Jeff Kinney’s creation was as a webcomic. But kind of how I don’t think of Penny Arcade as a webcomic anymore, Diary of a Wimpy Kid has become something else entirely. It’s a brand.

Certainly I don’t begrudge Kinney his success. We should all be so lucky. But having moved beyond webcomics, Kinney’s brand just isn’t for me anymore – if it ever was. I mean, it really is more for pre-teens anyway. The movie looks like no exception. My question is why no one know professionally is talking about it?

People are talking about The Bounty Hunter, though – and for all the wrong reasons. The Bounty Hunter looks like the kind of movie stars like Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston either make at the beginning of their career or at the end of it. Butler can kind of be excused, though. He’s clearly trying to balance his tough-guy roles with romantic comedies. I’m not really buying him in these romantic roles, but he gets an “E” for effort.

Poor Jennifer Aniston, though. She looks like she’s grasping at straws. She’s never really been in a movie besides The Good Girl or maybe The Break-Up that anyone has taken seriously. All of her projects seem to be one notch slightly above a movie you’d see in Lifetime: Television For Women. I’m curious if her fan base would continue to support her if she hadn’t been so mercilessly dumped by Brad Pitt.

This is an utterly stupid point to make, but I’m going to make it anyway. Aniston has basically become a figurehead for rejected women and equally helping and hurting her career. People like to root for her, yet she continues to make crappy films – which only makes people root for her more. It’s a weird stigma she’s living with that excuses crappy performance. Consider it the “Aww, you’ll do better NEXT time, honey”-Factor. I have to imagine that it feels fairly condescending.

I don’t know what I would do differently if I were in Aniston’s shoes. Probably try to do some straight-up comedy. Play to your strengths. I mean, I know she has comedy movies in her past, but they each have romantic elements. I’m taking straight-up goofball comedy. Think Kevin Smith or Judd Apatow. Something edgier. Something that doesn’t require a marshmallow ending.

It seems like she kind of avoided comedy for a while because she didn’t want to be type-cast as Rachel from Friends for the rest of her career. These days? I think there are worse things to be associated with. Just my two cents.

As for the St. Patrick’s Day, it would be fun to go out and celebrate. But, the truth is, I’ve never really been a fan of fighting the crowds at a bar on the holiday. I did it a couple of times when I was in my 20’s but got tired of it pretty quickly. What’s the point in going out for St. Patrick’s Day if you have to wait in line for 15 minutes to get a beer? I might as well get drunk at home, you know? It’s much easier to identify signs of alcoholism sitting on your own couch.

I guess maybe you have to show up for those tent parties early to get properly blitzed before the Regular Joe’s get off work at 5:00. I’ve known real-life Jared to take a day off from work in the past to do exactly that. I don’t know. Maybe he had the right idea.

That’s it for me. If you have any thoughts about Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Bounty Hunter, Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston or St. Patrick’s Day, please leave your comments below!