I always feel like I’m taking a risk by relying on a visual gag for the punchline of a comic. You never know how it’s going to play. But I was so much more interested in coming up with a list of fake names for Valentine’s Day, I decided to throw caution to the wind.
Incidentally, do you know how long it takes to make a high-res recreation of an IMDB page? Longer than it takes to draw, ink, color and shade two panels of this comic – I’ll tell you that much!
Obviously I’m having a little fun by suggesting Sgt. Slaughter is in Valentine’s Day. But as ridiculous as the cast list is for this thing, he might has well be.
Cami only gave you a sample of who shows up in this movie. Check out the names attached to this thing:
Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Hector Elizondo, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Roberts, and Taylor Swift.
Those are 19 big names. A handful of these actors are Oscar winners! That’s ri-donk-ulous! What kind of dirt does director Garry Marshall have on these people to group them together in an American knock-off of Love, Actually? It’s scary how much clout that guy has. Must be carry-over from his days as a writer on Laverne & Shirley.
I was actually kind of open to the idea of seeing Valentine’s Day until I heard Garry Marshall was directing it. As a director, his work is all about schmaltz and playing it safe. Look at his directing credits over the last 10 years – The Other Sister, Runaway Bride, The Princess Diaries, Raising Helen, The Princess Diaries 2 and Georgia Rule. I look at these films and the women in the audience who he targets and cynically assume that he must think all women are stupid.
Critical reaction to Valentine’s Day has been overwhelmingly negative with a 16% rotten rating at Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing. If it is at all a success at the box office, it will be based on its star power and simplistic branding. “A movie called Valentine’s Day being released on Valentine’s Day weekend? I simply must go!” This is why I scold Rob Zombie for not getting his Halloween remakes released closer to Halloween. People will go because they feel like they’re supposed to go.
I don’t know the details of the film, but I think I know the premise. If it’s about Valentine’s Day, certainly it’s about finding love or that special someone on the titular day and the frustrations that come along with that.
Does anyone truly believe that Jennifer Garner or Bradley Cooper would have trouble finding a date on Valentine’s Day? I mean, MAYBE Topher Grace. But c’mon!
Cami and I haven’t talked much about the film, but I can kind of sense that she’s not interested in seeing it. Instead, for Valentine’s Day, we’re going to leave the kids with my folks and have a nice dinner. That’s going to be about it. That’s just fine with me!
What are your Valentine’s Day plans? Do you plan on seeing Valentine’s Day the movie? If so, is there a particular actor that drew you in? Do you feel the large cast of actors will be helpful or a hindrance to the movie? Leave your comments below!
It's a marketing plot.
They're trying to reach into as many audience segments as possible.
You should read the full cast list at IMDB.com
It's a real eye-opener.
Even if I am interested in seeing a Romantic Comedy, I will rarely spend my entertainment dollars for it at the theater. Same goes for most other comedies, as well. I prefer to experience more visceral entertainment in a theater experience: horror, action, adventure, sci-fi, fantasy, & animation.
To that end, I will not be seeing “Valentine’s Day.” I will, however, be taking the kids to see “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.” One of the great benefits of having kids is you can go see movies that had you no kids would just look creepy being a 40-year-old overweight man sitting alone.
Leonard Nemoy AND Stg. Slaughter? I would watch this movie….
That’s 6 actors that I like in that cast. I basically hate the others though. So will including 6 actors I like get me to sit through the rest that I hate? Probably. But not in a theater. Including Anne Hathaway can do wonders to make me see a film.
By the by, I think I remember liking The Other Sister. And I thought Princess Diaries was kind of cute (sequel was horrible, even with Julie singing, which is the only reason I’ll sit through it). The rest I can do without.
If this is supposed to be a Love, Actually knock-off…. Well, I LOVED Love, Actually. That film had 5 or 6 of my favorite actors in it. But it’s not like Love, Actually was the first and only film to ever follow around a bunch of different people who just so happened to be all connected to each other.
My wife wants to see it, so I’m going to see it with her. Plus, now that I know Chupacabra is in it, I have my own reasons for wanting to see it.
I saw the trailer and knew it was a stinker. 21 main characters? There’s no way you could possibly have time to develop them. Even the original Star Wars has…10 maybe? I recently saw the movie Ushpizin and the actors created characters with such genuine emotions and relationships. I’m sure that movie has more sincerity in one finger than Valentine’s Day has in its whole body.
Tom, somwhere out there Topher Grace is crying because of you. Good job.
Movies like this make me thank God my girlfriend hates romantic comedies. Fairly certain I wouldn’t be able to make it through this, even for the sake of love.
Oh, and not to be “that guy”, but panel 3, you refer to Jennifer Biel as opposed to Jessica.
==TJ==
Roger Ebert says it best.
“Valentine’s Day” is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.
The cast has absolutely nothing to do with whether I see this. I’m curious to see it, hoping this Americanization will recapture the magic that was Love Actually, but not in any rush because I’m pretty sure it won’t.
I’m really sad about all these terrible remakes of excellent British movies lately. Are American audiences really too thick to appreciate the original ‘Love Actually’ or ‘Death at a Funeral?’
Maybe they should spend some of the money for all those stars on getting good writers for once.
oh my… CHUPACABRA!!!
Actually, I heard that the Anthony Hopkins + Miss Piggy subplot was worth the price of admission by itself.
A Pile of Dirty Dish Rags? Twinkie The Kid? Miss Piggy? You really went all out on this one, ma’man.
I would really like to see Valentine’s Day. I don’t care but I’m a sucker for star studded movies. Even if I film’s not that good, I will see a movie just for an actor or actress I like. Go Bradley Cooper. And I like huge casts with many stories are the best. I do really hope to see that pile of dirty rags….
ETHEL MERMAN. If only.
Dishrags & Twinkie the Kid piqued my interest! I laughed so hard I’m glad I wasn’t drinking or I’m sure something would come out my nose. 🙂
For V-Day plans, my hubby & I have reservations at Melting Pot. They have a special 4 course menu this weekend and they’re opening for lunch too. A long meal like that makes for a great date night with the hubby. And a meal ending in chocolate pretty much guarantees he’ll get lucky. 😉
I find it hilarious how Julia Robert’s gets NEXT TO BOTTOM billing.
Oh how the “mighty” have fallen.
So before i read the blog.. i looked up the imdb… haha… mayn… i was ready to sneak into a theatre if sgt. slaughter was really in it.. id definatly see a movie of him putting the Chupacabra on a cobra clutch, only to be hit with a folded chair by leonard nimoy…
I think my reaction to this blog just scientifically proved that these marketing people know what they’re doing. Literally, my first thought was “PATRICK DEMPSEY!? HOLY SNEEZES, I CAN’T MISS THIS!”.
And then I was so ashamed of it, I disowned myself. 🙁
Oh, my plans for Valentine’s day. My boyfriend and I will be renting a movie and when that’s done we’re going to finish watching Firefly. He’s seen the whole thing already. I have one disc to go. Team Jayne!
Oh, and heart-shaped pizza from Round Table. Of course being heart-shaped doesn’t make it taste any better, but their big pizzas do taste better than their personal pizzas (crust thickness, maybe?) which we usually get at the Round Table on campus, so why not?
I don’t think I could be any less interested. My V-Day plans include seeing both 110 In The Shade and the Vagina Monologues along with dinner.
Chuck: Sounds like awesome plans. Firefly is pretty damn awesome. I hope you have plans to follow it with Serenity in the near future.
Definitely NOT going to see Valentine’s Day. I hate chick flicks, and I’m a girl. I’m more of a horror/sci-fi/fantasy/action type. I did go see The Wolfman today, and as I was going in with my fiance, we saw a HUGE line of people waiting to get into a movie. Curious, I asked the usher what movie they were going to see.
“They’re waiting to see Valentine’s Day,” the usher replied.
“Are you serious? That many people?” I looked again and realized that most of the people in line were girls, or girls with guys that looked absolutely terrified.
“Yeah, it’s had a strong opening.”
“Ew. Ew. Ew. That’s…no,” was all I could say. My fiance just laughed and said, “Thank god we’re not seeing that one.”
The Wolfman was okay. It was slightly boring, but there was a lot of gore that made me pretty happy. I’m actually pretty disappointed with the previews lately, however. I haven’t been able to catch a preview of Clash of the Titans in the theaters yet, and I’d really like to see the preview in the theater. Has anyone seen the preview for Clash of the Titans yet?
Yes, I’m excited about Clash of the Titans. 🙂
Certainly, Kayla. Probably the next time I see him. I do enjoy the series. It’s quite telling that I only started watching it in December and I’ll be finishing it soon, whereas I’m nowhere near finishing any of the other shows we’re watching together. Granted, those other shows are much longer (Monster is like 90 episodes, sheesh!) but our viewing schedule is basically Firefly first, everything else if we have time.
Oh, and Tom, Zac Efron should be on that list. Just about blew my mind when I saw him as young Simon. I laughed pretty hard, but that’s my automatic response whenever I see the guy’s face. Probably why I found Hairspray so amusing.
My boyfriend and I are going to see Fantastic Mr Fox for Valentine’s Day (only came out in NZ early this year) and then probably having dinner somewhere.