How cheesed off am I about the producers of X-Men Origins: Wolverine giving Cyclops heat vision? It’s totally infested my incentive sketch! Vote for Theater Hopper at Top Web Comics and see how distracted I’ve become by this.

Before I get to far into things, I need you to know up front that this review is spoiler-heavy. “Spoiler-dependent” might be a better term for me to use. It’s the only way I can justify breaking the 4th wall the way I did in today’s comic.

So, for those of you who haven’t seen X-Men Origins: Wolverine yet (and judging by the film’s $87 million box office take this weekend, that leaves very few of you), here is my spoiler-FREE review.

As a standard action/revenge flick, X-Men Origins: Wolverine does quite well. It establishes Wolverine’s past as compelling and easy to follow. Hugh Jackman continues to earn his paycheck by infusing Logan with the kind of grit usually reserved for characters played by Clint Eastwood. Liev Schreiber is also effective as Wolverine’s brother Sabretooth. In fact, all the performances are pretty good. Save for Danny Huston as William Stryker, spitting lines like “What’s your plan, Captain?! You can’t beat him, Logan! You know you can’t!” with the kind of forced emphasis that made me think more of a user car salesman than an evil scientific genius. Brian Cox did much more with much less in X2 from a few years back.

Where the movie falls down is in the details. And yesssss these are fanboy gripes. BUT! I have some very good reasons for making these complaints worth more than the average poly-bagging comic nerd. So stick with me and I’ll make my case.

To whit… SPOILERS AHEAD!

As I was saying, where X-Men Origins: Wolverine is in the execution of the details. None more egregious than replacing Cyclops’s signature optic blasts with heat vision of some sort.

In a scene where Sabretooth is hunting down Cyclops inside his school, the clawed mutant catches up with the mono-ocular one who performs some kind of spin move, unleashes his power and slices his school nearly in half.

After being subdued, one can see in the aftermath that where the blast cut through the walls, there is fire and burning embers.

Later, in Wolverine’s confrontation with Deadpool/Weapon XI – who has been given a combination of different powers, including Cyclops’s optic blasts – gives Logan an eyeful which he blocks with his adamantium claws. After Sabretooth flanks him and breaks Deadpool’s deadly gaze, we see Wolverine’s claws are glowing white hot.

Here’s the thing. Any nerd worth his salt can tell you that Cyclops’s optic blasts are not heat-based. They’re not lasers. They produce concussive force.

Now, if the movies want to define Cyclops’s powers differently than they do in the comics, that’s fine. Certainly not everything that is cannon in print needs to be translated on screen. Nearly EVERY comic book movie takes liberties in this regard. I’m fine with there being changes if it makes sense in context and serves the overall plot.

HOWEVER! There are THREE. PREVIOUS. MOVIES. that have established Cyclops’s power as intended – a concussive blast. Not heat vision. Think about Cyclops blowing the roof off the train station in the original X-Men, the showdown between him and Jean Grey in X2 or when he fired a blast into the lake in X-Men: The Last Stand. To me, it demonstrates willful ignorance on behalf of 20th Century Fox to change his powers in this way. Did they forget the audience they were dealing with?

It’s very possible that I am focusing too much on this. Cyclops’s appearance in the movie is a cameo. His contribution to the plot is minimal. I’m sure there are those of you who are probably more upset with what they did to Deadpool. And while I agree that it’s unfortunate they chose to make Deadpool the mutant equivalent to DC’s Amazo, at least those changes made sense within the context of the movie. This business with Cyclops is just plain insulting.

I mean, you’d think at some point someone would ask “Hey, did Cyclops’s blast heat things up in the other movies?” Like, maybe someone working in the special effects shop. Anyone!

They probably got shut down. “We need the blasts to catch things on fire because, later in the movie, we’ll use ’em to heat up Wolverine’s claws and that looks really cool.”

Beyond that, there were other aspects of the script that I thought were just plain lazy. Gambit felt tacked on because he’s a fan-favorite, Silver Fox and Emma Frost being sisters feels about as authentic as me and Wil.I.Am being brothers and adamantium bullets to “put Wolverine down?” C’mon, guys. He’s not the Wolfman.

I know there are some of you that will say that I should judge the film on its own merits. As I admitted to earlier, as an action/revenge film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine delivers.

The problem is, X-Men Origins: Wolverine isn’t a standard action/revenge movie. It’s not like Dirty Harry where we’re meeting the character for the first time. I didn’t watch a trailer for John McStabbyhands and say “Hmm! That’s new! I might have to check that out!” The movie is based on characters that have existed for more than 30 years. And even if I was only a fan of the movies and not the comics, it’s my affinity for and prior knowledge of these characters that is bringing me to the theater in the first place.

Like it or not, this movie is a part of a series and should abide by the “rules” established in that universe. You can’t take a character who has been on screen for the last 10 years, prop up a film that says “Here is his secret origin!” and not have it line up with the other movies. To say the film should be judged on it’s own merit is wrong.

I wanted to like X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It certainly has its moments and was, at times, genuinely thrilling. But the film pisses away most of it’s credibility over small, easily managed details. Things they should have paid attention to, but didn’t. Either 20th Century Fox cares about catering to the fanboys, or they don’t.

I’m not saying ANY studio should bend over backwards to meet the demands of this notoriously fickle audience. But the inclusion of so many cameos makes me think that they were trying to score points here. If that was their goal, then they should have made absolutely certain that what they were doing made sense. Otherwise, it’s completely distracting if not a little insulting.

I know most of you who have seen the movie left your thoughts in the comments section of Friday’s blog, but if you have anything you’d like to add, feel free.