Writing this comic, I tried to figure out a way to incorporate Andy Rooney in some way. In my mind, he’s one of America’s all-time greatest cranks. He rambles on about unimportant matters with a know-it-all tone reflective of the take-no-responsibility mantra of the American populace. I certainly wish him no ill will, but if he were to disappear entirely from the end of 60 Minutes each week, I wouldn’t miss him.
Since I was unable to write Rooney into the strip directly, please enjoy this video – one in a series of edited shorts that takes the first and last line of one of Andy’s rants and cuts out the middle. The effect is often quite hilarious.
You can find more of Andy’s truncated rants here.
Steering the conversation back to things more cinematic in nature… Crank: High Voltage comes out this weekend and a lot of people I know are excited to see it. I kind of have to chuckle because, judging by the trailers, the film is complete trash and the filmmakers know this. I think people are excited for it simply because they’re responding to a certain level of honesty in the marketing.
If you’ve seen the first Crank, you know entirely what to expect. Jason Statham runs around for 90 minutes kicking, punching and shooting things. Last time he was given a deadly intravenous “Beijing Cocktail”. A synthetic drug which stops the flow of adrenaline in the body, slowing the heart, and eventually killing the victim. The idea was to have Statham keep his adrenaline level up by causing mayhem the entire length of the movie in an effort to stay alive.
This time out, Statham’s character has been scooped up by black market surgeons attempting to harvest his organs. They perform surgery and steal his heart, replacing it with a temporary electronic one. He wakes up and chases the surgeons in an attempt to reclaim his stolen heart. Meanwhile, he has to continuously electrocute himself throughout to keep the artificial heart charged and working.
Why the surgeons bothered to install an electronic heart in the first place, I don’t know. But I’m sure the movie has a very good reason.
Look, it’s not like logic is the forte of this genre of film, so check your brain at the door and have a good time already.
We were talking about Statham as an action hero a little bit on The Triple Feature last Monday and I think all of us respect the guy for what he’s willing to put up with. Obviously, he’s game for anything. But at the same time, it would be nice if he could pick a movie that wasn’t constantly winking at the audience with its antics. Statham is a certifiable bad-ass. But he’s also a bit of a clown. Or at least a bad-ass stuck in clownish pictures.
Looking back at the luminaries of the action genre, Statham could run circles around Jean-Claude Van Damnm or Steven Segal with his physicality. But Van Damm and Segal carefully cultivated an enduring, impenetrable image. At least until the started making deck like Double Team and The Glimmer Man. Perhaps Statham can solidify his cred a little bit when The Expendables comes out next year. We’ll see.
I’ll probably see Crank: High Voltage this weekend simply because I know it’s something Cami will have no interest in seeing. So I won’t feel guilty for going to the movies when we can’t get a babysitter for Henry. But what about the rest of you? Are you planning to see the movie this weekend? If so, what’s the appeal for you? Were you a fan of the original? Does this one look better or worse? Leave your comments below.
Also, be sure to check back on the site later in the day. I will be announcing a week-long pre-order on the Spoiler Alert t-shirt I previewed earlier in the week. Thanks.
"Crank" is slang for meth. You know - hopped up? Wired, energetic, crazy?
Oh, okay. So it's NOT about a bitter, aggressive old man who like to force his opinions on you?
ACTION MOVIES TODAY ARE CRAP!
In my day, we didn't have martial arts or "CGI." Our actors did that stuff FOR REAL!
Harold Lloyd dangled from that clock face FOR REAL!
TWENTY-EIGHT PEOPLE DIED FILMING IT!
I won’t be seeing it this weekend unfortunatley. I have no money, I do hope to see it in theatres though sometime. I am excited for this movie. I was a fan of the first of the first movie. This one Hilariously Awesomely bad. I’m pretty sure that it will be a 90 minute ass kicking bonanza, and it will be a good mindless film to watch.
The other day, I read someone trying to justify the existence of a sequel by arguing that the movies are really video games. “Chev Chelios dies at the end of the first one, but when he defeated the bad guy (read: level boss) he got the high score and earned an extra life.” He was sorta being facetious, but I thought he made a good point.
I won’t be seeing it. Jason Statham really deserves to be making better movies, so I prefer not to encourage him in this sort of thing.
I’m really looking forward to this film. I hadn’t seen the first film until i read the JLCM strip about the website, that is just a perfect gimmick for these sorts of films, the simple idea of putting in a curse word as an age verify, its the sort of joking, not to serious attitide the films have. After looking at the website I bought Crank 1 on DVD and loved it, its just what it promises 90 minutes of crazy over the top non stop action which are sometimes a good thing among all the films that get polluted with too much plot and Statham is great in these roles. Too me these are the Transporter films with the action cranked up a notch (lame joke deffinately intended).
I can’t wait to see it. As I’ve said before, I loved the first Crank, and the second looks to be exactly what it should be; more of the same. Lots of crazy fighting, shooting, and editing to keep you on your toes for 90 minutes. Pure ridiculousness that dares you to even contemplate taking it seriously. In short, good stuff (now, if only they could get a sequel for Shoot ‘Em Up going. Though admittedly, it wouldn’t be the same without Paul).
Also, I felt a proud twang when I not only knew what that old crank was talking about, but that I’ve seen that movie (pretty good). Most of the people around me, movie friends included, can’t say that 😛
Your movie friends don’t know who Harold Lloyd is?
Even if they don’t know the actor, surely they must be familiar with his iconic scene from Safety Last?
I thought about mentioning Safety Last in the blog… but I didn’t want to insult anyone’s intelligence.
I’m excited for Crank 2, my only worry is the music choices for the soundtrack. I was pretty much blown away that the first movie could maintain the same energy level as The Refused. But replacing that with Linkin Park? A little bit sketchy to me.
The boyfriend and I are just waiting for it to start airing here in the Philippines and then we’ll watch it. Saw the trailer and thought the movie was hilarious.
Regarding why they bothered to put in an electronic heart, I guess organs stay fresher longer if the body’s still alive while harvesting it. Or its better if you harvest the organ a little closer to when the operation’s going to be done.
And seriously, just by watching the trailer, we’re guessing that there will be more WTF moments in it aside from the self-electrocution and stuff. Haha
They know of him, of course, and if they thought a moment they’d know the scene. But I know they haven’t seen it yet.
Hahaha Tom, that’s one the best punchline you’ve delivered in a while! It’s kindof sad that I sometimes find myself ranting about how new movies suck and old movies rule, I guess it’s just one of those things we film geeks are occasionally guilty off!
My first reaction was that it was stupid that he was alive, but I read in an interview he’s supertough, and figured that’s enough of an explanation considering the movie we’re talking about. Then I started wondering about the electronic heart, and I have to agree with Abbey here. Pretty sure being alive (for given values of alive) keep the other organs going, and then those can be pulled in separate operations that will be less intensive, thus equalling greater profit. Even if that’s not how it REALLY works, I’m sure it’s close enough to the truth (meaning that in a way, if you look at it sideways and squint, it kinda is) that it’ll serve. Anyways, I’m hoping to see the movie this weekend, and I have no doubts it will be awesome through audacity.
Crank 2 hits local cinemas here today. Also hitting the cinemas is 17 Again. I’m not really a fan of Zack Effron, but I think I’ll have to postpone Crank 2 til next week Wednesday. Hahah. I can’t believe I’m choosing Zack Effron over Jason Statham, but I think I’m going to for a light movie this weekend.