There are so many other things I could have done a comic about today.
For example, I could have talked about how I saw Step Brothers over the weekend and how much fun I had with that. Or I could have talked about something like Darren Aronofsky directing the Robocop reboot. Anything, really. My options are wide open.
But when Shia LaBeouf flips his SUV and is arrested on suspicion of D.U.I. – well, all your plans go out the window. Especially in my case when I’ve established myself as the anti-Shia guy. You expect me to say something.
Now, thankfully, Shia and the passengers in his car were not seriously hurt. Nor was anyone in the other vehicle he crashed into. LaBeouf was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and was treated for injuries to his left hand and knee, as well as a minor head injury. Obviously, if things had turned out differently, I wouldn’t be poking fun in this way.
I’m still a little sketchy about the whole thing. I certainly don’t want to come off like I’m celebrating the accident or LaBeouf’s potential for a downfall. That’s why it’s important to keep this in context.
Back in November of 2007 when I kicked off this whole anti-Shia thing as a means to replace Ben Affleck as the comic’s punching bag, I established that there was just something about LaBeouf that rubbed me the wrong way. Here’s what I said at the time:
I don’t know what I don’t like about the kid. I’ve just never liked him. Admittedly, I didn’t know much about him as a person when he was starring in stuff like Charlies Angels: Full Throttle or Holes, but he just seemed way too cocky. He hadn’t done anything to earn the chip on his shoulder.
He seems like one of those kids that’s been pushed into show business by an over-zealous parent and they take it REALLY SERIOUSLY as a way to earn their parent’s love. As if being a professional or some kind of mini-adult will earn them more respect. Like Dakota Fanning or Haley Joel Osment, or something.
That’s fine. I appreciate an actor who is serious about their craft. But all of these actors started out as CHILD actors. And in order to perform at the level they do, you have to lobotomize a part of your childhood to do it. Let’s face it: That never turns out well.
I think what makes Shia particularly annoying is that he’s a sanctimonious hypocrite. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, he derided the party-hard actors and actresses of his generation by saying that he isn’t a big partier and stays home with his friends instead of getting into trouble. Not two months later and Us Weekly reports a story about him gallivanting around Hollywood trying to pick up chicks.
Don’t get me wrong. If I was his age and making millions of dollars, I’d probably succumb to the temptation. But what I WOULDN’T do is go to the press and talk about how committed I am to acting and how stupid everyone else is for partying. Dumb, dumb, dumb Shia.
Now, this morning, The Chicago Tribune is reporting that LaBeouf was arrested in Chicago for trespassing after he refused to leave a Walgreens drug store! It doesn’t get any better than this! (Thanks to Josh Anderson for forwarding me the link).
I’ve got the whole week to make my case against Shia, but I have to admit that last news item couldn’t have come at a better time. Mark my words, kids – LaBeouf is going down!
Now, at lot of this was tongue-in-cheek and I really don’t wish the kid any harm. But, you gotta admit, I kind of called it.
Shia is 22 years-old. He’s still young and he’s gonna make mistakes. I kind of equate these last few run-in’s with the law to a kid going to college for the first time and completely running off the chain. I hope whatever is going on isn’t symptomatic of larger problems like alcoholism or anything else. I hope it’s just an overblown case of immaturity and the unfortunate glare of the media spotlight.
I think LaBeouf is within his right to go out and night and get crazy. If I was 22, loaded with cash and starred in some of the biggest franchise films of the century, I’d probably feel like celebrating, too. Heck, we can even overlook the hypocrisy of that EW interview where he claimed he was better than the rest of young Hollywood. Whatever.
Just… next time, man? Call a cab.
I took a lot of flack for it.
"But he's just a kid!" they said. "He's never done anything wrong!"
Please...
I've always had a bad feeling about the kid. First the drunken escapade at a Chicago Walgreens. Then being ticket for smoking in Los Angeles.
Now he's being arrested on a suspicion of DWI. I always knew his "I'm just a regular guy!" schtick was baloney.
I don't mean to revel in someone else's misfortune, at this point, saying "I told you so!" would just be cruel.
But on a personal note. If LaBeouf's latest run-in with the law squashes talks of him taking the lead in the adaptation of Y: The Last Man, that would be really, really great!
