When someone e-mailed me this story about actor Shia LaBeouf having a $1,000 bench warrant issued for his address, I laughed out loud. Not only because it fit into my ant-Shia campaign, but because it fit so perfectly.

First of all, who on Earth gets cited for unlawful smoking? Second, I know he’s a busy guy and probably couldn’t make his court appearance, but what kind of boneheaded attorney has he hired who wouldn’t be there on his behalf? It’s almost too perfect.

This, combined with “Hell-no-I-won’t-leave-this-Walgreen’s-Don’t-you-know-who-I-am?” bust in November of last year makes LaBeouf the most laughable wannabe “tough guy” in Hollywood. It’s almost like he’s the Jan Brady of up-and-coming actors, always coming up with these hair-brained schemes to boost his tough guy cred and shed his Disney past. But he’s only capible of coming up with the most minor offenses.

“I gotta think of of a way to look more manly for casting agents! I know! UNLAWFUL SMOKING! Then, later, I might egg someone’s house.”

I know that’s not the case, but in the dark corners of my mind, I wish it were true.

Still, what do you have to do to get cited for unlawful smoking? I realize in most urban centers, you’re not allowed to smoke indoors anymore. But it’s not like running a red light, is it? I mean, a cop isn’t going to see you lighting up indoors somewhere and immediately hit you with a ticket, is he? Heck, even when you’re speeding, sometimes they let you off with a warning. Don’t you think they would have asked him to “please extinguish the cigarette” before hitting him with a fine?

I’m starting to wonder if it wasn’t a case of someone asking him to put out the cigarette and him saying “Sure!” before lighting up again when the person was out of sight. I wouldn’t put it past him. That’s exactly the kind of entitled attitude that I read in waves coming off this kid.

Again, this is all conjecture. In fact, a great deal of it is fantasy. But does it really seem that far outside the realm of possibility? Food for thought.

Sorry for the lateness of the comic. I didn’t get a start on things until late last night and couldn’t finishing until later this morning because we had a guy in our house doing electrical work. Lame excuse, I know. But things will settle more back into a routine next week when I start my new job.

That’s all for now. Have a great weekend everyone!