10,000 B.C. came out this weekend and was number one at the box office. I’m not so much surprised by that except for the fact that it raked in over $35 million over extremely poor reviews and word of mouth. I don’t get it. All I had to do was read a review the mentioned “mastodons building pyramids” and I knew it wasn’t for me. Director Roland Emmerich has made a film rife with historical inaccuracies, but for whatever reasons, audiences don’t seem to care?

My good friend Joe Dunn said he knew within the first 20 minutes that the film was not for him or “the discerning adult ready to pick apart historical, social, economical and whatever-ical problems at every turn.” Says Joe, “This movie is for kids. Big visuals and classic themes like destiny, loss, sacrifice and family in a genre setting meant to make an impression on the most impressionable people of all- 8 to 12-year-olds.”

I can appreciate that, but I wouldn’t let a kid within 20 feet of this movie without explaining to them the difference between fantasy and reality. If Henry were old enough to watch this film, I’d make sure he knew that there was no evidence that mastodon’s helped build the pyramids because… y’know – THEY WERE EXTINCT!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that 10,000 B.C. presents itself as a kind of alternate Earth where the timelines went a different way, providing a more rich tapestry for fantasy storytelling, blah, blah, blah. Basiaclly, Emmerich has made a big, sweeping epic with lots of things that look cool and no substance. Certainly there are lots of films like that cluttering up the multiplex. But this one seems to have obtained some kind of perverse indifference about spitting on your mind.

Look – the problem is there are going to be some fools out there that will assume this is educational. Considering how much our attention is being fought for by movies and television, it’s hard enough to drill a truthful concept into a kid’s head let alone a ficticious one. Which version do you think is going to enthrall them more?

It’s very possible that I’m taking all of this too seriously. Anyone that dumb probably wouldn’t go to a movie period if they thought there was something educational about it. These people would probably duck out of seeing College Road Trip for the very same reasons.

Still, life is too short to waste on dumb media. If you need a movie to entertain the kids, wait until Wall-E comes out later in the year. At least you won’t feel like a bad parent for showing a little discretion.

All of this and more we’ll be talking about on The Triple Feature podcast tonight at 9:00 PM CST over at TalkShoe.com. I sincerely hope you join us so you can send in your questions and possibly call in to talk to us. We’ll be talking about 10,000 B.C. and The Bank Job.

BE THERE!