Does everyone know what I’m referring to when I talk about the "Not Gay" seat? It’s that little buffer zone between two paranoid heterosexual men that says "I’m seeing a movie with this guy, but I’m not WITH this guy. We’re not gay!"… Get it? The "Not Gay" seat.

Personally, I think is has to be one of the most ignorant things that some men do and I fail to understand it every time I see it. I’ve even been on the receiving end of the phenomenon, believe it or not!

When I was in college, sometimes a bunch of the guys from our dorm would pile into a car and see whatever blow-em-up action movie was dumbing down America at the time. We’d all buy our tickets and file into the theater. Sitting down next to each other, I was the second to last guy in the aisle. The last guy coming in behind me made a specific point not to sit directly next to me, but one seat away.

"I’m sorry," I said. "Does my breath offend you, or something? Or do you just need your space today?"

The guy was from a small farming community and didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He wasn’t some loner jerk putting on a front, either. But he was cooly pragmatic when revealing his homophobia. "I don’t want people to think we’re gay."

"Dude! You’re in a group of 7 guys! We all just had dinner in the dining hall together and you sat right next to me! What is it about this theater and sitting next to me now that is going to give anyone the impression that we’re gay? Dear Lord! Get over it!"

So I basically shamed him into sitting next to me. And then, in a typical display of college-aged maturity and sensitivity, I would occassionally rub his knee during the movie just to mess with his mind. He was good people, though!

Seriously, though. If you’re a guy and you feel a compulsion to employ the "Not Gay" seat, get over yourself. Because you’re not asserting your heterosexuality. Your displaying your ignorance and weakness to everyone. In fact, you’re probably drawing more attention to yourself by NOT sitting next to the guy you came to the movie with than you would if you sat right next to him.

Honestly, if you’re not going to sit nex to the guy, why allude to the fact that you arrived at the theater together at all. Why don’t you sit in the back row and he can sit in the front row? Then NO ONE will be able to put two and two together! I mean, so long as we’re forging totally skewed social behaviors…

At any rate, the "Not Gay" seat was a comic that I wanted to do for a really long time and the desire to do so was refueled when I saw a couple of high school guys pull this stunt when we went to see Cars a few weeks ago. The problem with doing the comic was that I really didn’t have an ending for it. My commentary was more of a rant than anything humorous. Thank goodness for Brandon J Carr for providing me with the finest twist of a character’s motivation that I could ever hoped for. I’ve been milking the gag for a while now. But really, does it ever get old?

I’ll have some site stuff I’ll want to talk about later in the day, so be sure to visit us again this afternoon for an update!