Today’s incentive sketch is brought to you by the letter "Z!"
So The Legend of Zorro comes out on Friday and I find myself in the odd position of being very excited by the idea of Antonio Banderas donning the mask and cape again, but slightly confused as to where exactly this movie is coming from.
I mean, it’s been 7 years since The Mask of Zorro. Typically, if a sequel is made, it’s done when the franchise is still sort of fresh in people’s minds. Why come back now?
Okay, okay. Zorro – as a franchise – has been around for over 100 years. He’s as much a staple of modern entertainment as he is a type of mythical figure like Robin Hood or maybe King Arthur. And, yes – The Lone Ranger totally stole his gimmick. But then again, so did Batman and pretty much every supero hero thereafter.
But I’m talking about this iteration – with Antonio Banderas playing the swashbuckling hero, Cathrine Zeta Jones returning as his wife and even director Martin Campbell back behind the lens. What’s the draw?
Banderas I envision as some kind of acting dynamo who does the work because he loves it. Cathrine Zeta Jones returning seems like a step backwards to me. I mean, she’s probably doing fine hawking cell phones. What point is there returning to a role where she’s just the eye candy? She’s an Oscar winner, right? What is up with the Halle Berry’s, Charlize Theron’s and Jennifer Connolly’s of this world that feel the need to follow up their Oscar wins with action films?
Remember when Catherine Zeta Jones used to be kind of cool? When The Mask of Zorro first came out, I remember being entranced. When Entrapment soon followed, I was bewitched. That is, when I wasn’t grossed out and distracted by Sean Connery making a pass at her every 15 minutes.
But somewhere around High Fidelity, her aura began to change. The character she played – Charlie – was a rambling, self-absorbed blow hard and you kind of got the sense it wasn’t that big of a stretch for her to play that role. By the time America’s Sweethearts came out, the idea that she was – in actuality – a pretty terrible person became firmly cemented in my head.
Winner her Best Supporting Actress Oscar for Chicago made her even more insufferable in my mind. I even took to calling her Catherine Ego Jones.
So why return to Zorro? Is this some act of contrition? Has she become aware of her frigid persona and is returning to her "roots," as it were, to remind people "Hey! Remember when we first met and how much fun I was?!" Maybe. We’ll see if it works.
I think I’m ready for an old-fashioned adventure flick. With all the swordplay and derring-do involved, it’s a wonder they didn’t cast Orlando Bloom as Zorro.
Darn it! That probably would have been the much better comic! But actually, I’m a little sick of talking about Orlando Bloom. Aren’t you?
Oh no! It's the Lone Ranger!
The Lone?.. Do I look like The Lone Ranger to you? I'm Zorro!
Oh, sorry! It's just with that mask on, you look kind of the same.
Well, he kinda stole my schtick...
But do you see any half-mute Native American sidekicks running around here? NO! Because Zorro works alone!
And what am I? Chopped liver?
Elena! No! You see, there were these men and I had to explain!...
Explain it to the burros. You sleep in the barn tonight!