Archive for August, 2004
15 items.
The confrontation depicted in today’s comic could have ended any number of ways. Jared being thrown through a plate glass window, for example. Vote for Theater Hopper at buzzComix to see what I mean…
For those of you concerned that I’ve been rambling about Alien vs. Predator for too long, don’t worry. I think I’ve gotten it out of my system. I mean, 5 comics on one movie is kind of overkill. But then again, AvP was a little bit of overkill as well… ON THE PART OF MY BRAIN THAT DECIPHERS A REASONABLE PLOT!!!
Ahem… I’m twelve-stepping this. I’ll kick it. I swear.
I went to see Garden State this weekend. Walking out of the theater, I learned two things:
1. I need to buy the soundtrack to this movie.
2. I have been SERIOUSLY underestimating writer/director/actor Zach Braff.
All that talk about Garden State being our generation’s The Graduate isn’t just a bunch of bluster. I know it’s easy to dismiss that kind of praise. It seems like every sci-fi movie that’s come out in the last 20 years has been heralded as the next Star Wars, or whatever. Heck, even that new shark movie Open Water is being called the next Jaws.
But comparisons aside, Braff perfectly captures the alienation of a man in his mid-twenties. The aimlessness. The detachment. Yet, at the same time, there is sweetness to his exploration and humor in his struggle to reach out to others. His chemistry with Natalie Portman never feels forced. I’ll probably see it again. It had a very profound effect on me.
Make a deal with me right now, America. Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. If you were planning AT ALL to see SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 when it opens on Friday, put it off for another week and see Garden State instead. You won’t regret it.
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We do our fare share of razzing Julie Roberts around here, so in an effort to appease Cami, today’s incentive sketch loving depicts her in Roberts most famous role – Pretty Woman.
Even if you don’t care about lending votes to the site, I insist that you click on this link to view the sketch. It’s seriously probably one of the best ones I’ve done in a long time. I’m very proud of it.
In any case, according to an interview she conducted with Newsweek, Julia Roberts will indeed put her career on hold to raise the twins she’s supposed to give birth to this December with cameraman husband Danny Moder. All she has left to promote is the infidelity drama Closer and the European heist flick Ocean’s 12 and that’s all she wrote. We won’t see Julia Roberts for a long time to come. Hopefully the next 18 years. That’s how long it is before they kick kids out of the house these days, right?
Personally, I find the whole “Julia Roberts Pregnant!” story a little too good to be true. First they tell us she’s having twins. NOW there are reports it’s a boy and a girl. Could it *be* any more perfect?! I’m sorry; its sounds a little too much like a Hollywood concoction to me.
Frankly, I’m surprised Roberts is pregnant at all. She doesn’t have the shape of a mother. She looks like the kind of girl that any added weight is going to unbalance her like a weeble. She looks to frail to carry a baby, let alone two.
But then again, I suppose she should have extra room in her body considering that giant, empty chamber where a heart should be.
I’m sorry if that sounds callous, but Roberts does not strike me as the motherly type. She’s too cold. Too bitchy. Too… pointy. She doesn’t even have the shape of a mother. I guarantee one flash of that impossibly white windshield she calls a smile is going to burn the back of those kids retinas… leave ’em blind. JUST YOU WAIT!
Now that I think about it, she probably isn’t pregnant at all. She just ties on a prosthesis belly for when she has to do interviews or walk about town. She probably invented the whole pregnancy thing so she could hole herself up on that ranch she has in New Mexico and do lines of coke of a laser disc copy of Flatliners.
Come time to “deliver” the babies in December, she’ll fly out to some farm house in central Nebraska and buy a couple of kids from a poor, confused young woman. She’ll steal the children away before handing the crying infants over to her entourage. Then she’ll wag her bony finger in the face of the sobbing woman, threatening her to “Keep her dumb, redneck whore mouth shut!”
After flying back to their ranch, she’ll set the kids up in the guest house and have a Mexican nanny look after them. Ever so often she’ll wheel them out for photo ops and the occasional publicity – y’know, so America doesn’t forget about her.
Then, when the kids are all grown up, one of them will write a scathing tell-all book and dish on all of Roberts
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It would seem The Apocalypse occurs with
Incidentally, I hope none of you out there take offense to all this Biblical reference. I’m not trying to goof on anyone’s beliefs. Just a little riff on all those improbable circumstances people say will bring about the end of the world.
You may not have known that there was a sequel to Baby Geniuses arriving in theaters today. You may not have even been aware there was even a movie CALLED Baby Geniuses. But somehow this franchise has ensnared the talents of Jon Voight, Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Kim Cattrall, Peter MacNicol… and yes – Dom DeLuise and Scott Baio. All of these actors must have done something very, very bad in a past life to be sentenced to this celluloid Hell.
In case you’re not familiar with the premise of Baby Geniuses and its sequel SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2, the first movie suggests that “baby talk” is actually a highly sophisticated language that babies use to discuss the knowledge of the secrets of the universe with which they are born. Two doctors attempt to crack the code.
Wait, it gets better.
In the sequel, “the adventure continues with a new generation of talking toddlers. This time, the baby geniuses find themselves at the center of a nefarious scheme led by powerful media mogul Bill Biscane. Joining the babies in their battle against evil is a legendary baby named Kahuna. Part ultra-cool spy, part superhero, Kahuna joins babies Archie, Finkleman, Alex and Rosita in a race against time to stop the villainous Biscane from using his state-of-the-art satellite system to control the minds of the world’s population.”
That last part was taken directly from the SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 web site. Now, go look out your window to make sure flying monkeys aren’t carrying away your car in their talons. Because right now, it would be more plausible than accepting a major motion picture studio – in this case, Sony Pictures – actually financed this (literally) infantile clap-trap.
Who’s over-reacting now?
If you’re looking for a little dose of sanity after that, swing into the THorum and say hello to our friendly community. Today starts another round of The Friday Five, so you should definitely check that out. The concept is simple: We ask you five questions and you answer them! Everyone gets to know a little bit more about each other and the world becomes a much friendlier place!
See you back in this spot on Monday!
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Since the action happens off-screen, there’s no telling if Jared actually succeeded in taking Ben Affleck’s head as a trophy. But in the alternate universe that ∗is∗ the buzzComix incentive sketch, we can peer through a mystical portal and view what could be… Click here uncover hidden mystery!
Incidentally, Jared’s been taking pot shots at Ben Affleck for years. I don’t think he would really try to take his head as a trophy. It’s more of a catch and release thing. The thrill of the hunt.
For those of you who are concerned you may have gone cross-eyed reading today’s strip, a sequel to Clerks is 100% true. Director Kevin Smith announced to the Associated Press last week.
Apparently, while working on the 10th anniversary edition DVD, Kevin got to thinking about the characters that unlocked Hollywood’s secret society to him and decided to revisit them 10 years after the events of the original movie.
According to Smith, “It’s about what happens when that lazy, 20-something malaise lasts into your 30s. Those dudes are kind of still mired, not in that same exact situation, but in a place where it’s time to actually grow up and do something more than just sit around and dissect pop culture and talk about sex.”
According the fan boy guru, Jay and Silent Bob will also be making an appearance. Which is slightly disheartening when Smith promised he’d hang the characters up for good after the all-out cameo laden road comedy Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. Apparently after the failure of the more “grown up” offering of Jersey Girl, Smith realized where his bread and butter really resided.
The film will be titled The Passion of the Clerks and principal photography will begin in January of 2005.
Personally, I don’t know how smart is it to return to the “Askewniverse”. Clearly there is a large fan base out there ready to lap this up. But to me it indicates a kind of creative bankruptcy to revisit the same characters 10 years down the road. Besides, didn’t Richard Linklater experiment with this very concept when he released Before Sunset earlier this year – the movie that revisits Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy’s characters 10 years after the events of Before Sunrise?
Although I don’t know how much griping I’m entitled to here. That aforementioned fan base? Well, I’m part of it. More than likely I’ll see The Passion of the Clerks when it opens in theaters. It’ll just be interesting to see if Kevin Smith can keep his integrity after the fact.
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Just wanted to give a quick shout out to Think Tank and Aikida. Both of their comics were named-checked in the letters section of the most recent Wizard Magazine.
It’s always a welcome change of pace to see web comics mentioned in traditional paper mediums. It brings more attention to the art form and we all benefit as a result.
Frankly, these are the kind of letters I think MORE fans of web comics should be sending to magazines!
Of course, I’m a little biased…
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