I don’t know what to tell you about today’s incentive sketch. Let’s just say that it plays up my Midwestern roots. Vote for Theater Hopper at buzzComix to reveal the big secret!

Cami and I had a really busy weekend, we barely had time to rest. Between driving two hours and back to Cedar Falls to watch my sister-in-law graduate from college on Saturday (by the way, thanks for dog-sitting Jared!) and doing the Mother’s Day thing on Sunday, it seems like we were coming and going every which way! Don’t even get me STARTED about the Survivor All-Stars finale!

But amidst all the chaos, we were able to sneak into Van Helsing. Well, not literally. We paid for our tickets and leant our dollar to Helsing’s $54 million take this weekend.

What did I think of the movie? Well, the comic addresses it for the most part. If you can suspend disbelief, you’ll have a grand old time. Of course, I don’t know how many people are going into movies that feature Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and The Wolf Man looking for high drama. Richard Roxburgh’s performance as Dracula early in the film sets the tone for what’s to follow. “Over-the-top” does not begin to describe it. Both Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones would have trouble keeping up with all the scene-chewing Roxburgh aspires to.

The film did little to change my opinion of Stephen Sommers or Kate Beckinsale. I still hate them both. But I walked out with greater esteem for Hugh Jackman. He’s really carving a niche in the action genre. The man just sells it.

I think fans of the classic Universal monsters won’t be grossly offended by the updates. The Wolf Man probably gets the most noticeable upgrade. Dracula loses a lot of his mysterious sex appeal as they try to graft some kind of occult-scientist persona onto him. Although he looks ridiculous (too many appliances attached to the body), Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein’s Monster probably comes off the best.

If you’d read reviews, pretty much all the criticisms are true. The movie is RELENTLESSLY loud. Sommers doesn’t give his audience a minute to catch their breath or process what they’ve seen. There is always something either flying at them, whizzing by or stomping about – the soundtrack the key offender among them.

Sommers is also highly derivative in his visual style. There are constant nods and outright thefts of other films. The Lion King, the James Bond franchise, Indiana Jones, Spider-Man – even Jackman’s performance as Wolverine in the X-Men films gets a nod.

The movie relies greatly on computer generated effects. I joked with Cami that probably 10% of the movie was actually filmed and the rest was a computer construct. CG is fine and dandy as an enhancement tool, but not when the majority of the action requires it. Giant battles with monsters that don’t exist carry no weight. You don’t care that someone is being thrown through a wall because, underneath it all, you know there is no real danger. You end up checking your watch and waiting to see who comes out on top.

But despite all its obvious flaws (and despite my better judgment), I think I had fun at this movie. Probably because my expectations were low. Sure my IQ may have dropped a couple of points, but that’s all part of a stupid Hollywood popcorn flick.

Will I see Van Helsing again? Probably not. I doubt if I will even rent it on video. But if you’re remotely curious, I suggest looking into it. Just suspend disbelief at the door!